I got new glasses. What do you think?

I like them.

Do they make me look smarter?

You’re already the smartest person I know. They make you look sexier, if anything.

Really? Oh, that’s right, you have the librarian/Batgirl thing.

That’s probably both fair and true. What is your ‘thing’?

Thing? I always had a thing for outsider guys

Bad boys?

Not necessarily, just the social rejects.

Like me?

Well.. yeah. I mean, you’re an actuary.

I’m stunned after all these years to realize you don’t think I’m cool.

No, no, I just think being uncool, *is* cool. That’s my thing.

So did your prescription change?

Yes. Apparently I’m just a few years away from needing a guide dog.

So you’ve got that to look forward to.

Except, it’s blurry.

Not with new glasses, I hope.

How long have you had the librarian thing?

I always liked the smart girls. Because we could talk about stuff.

Most guys don’t have that particular hangup. Or are even threatened by it.

Well, that’s weird. Why would any sane person want to be with someone they cannot have meaningful conversations with?

Some guys are okay with skipping the conversations. Even you can be, occasionally.

That’s fine if you are a teenage boy. Because you don’t know better. But at some point, we put away childish things.

Not everyone does. And few people do so entirely successfully, even when they do. I liked to draw and color as a kid, now I’m a painter. I haven’t really changed what I do.

And I liked to jump off backyard barbecues, pretending I was Superman. So I haven’t really changed, either.

No, my dear, you have not. At least, through these glasses

You joining the selfie generation? 

Reference photos for a painting. 

You are painting the most 
Objectively beautiful woman ever?

Nice. Still got the words, I see. 
No, it’s a historical work about 
The impact gangs have had over 
The last century.

Impact on… ? 

Women. Children. Families. Society. 
I’m thinking a four painting series. 
I’ve been researching this for over a month. 

And I’m just now noticing. 

Well, I wasn’t sure I was going to do it. 
But it’s coming together in my mind. 
I find the whole subject strangely compelling. 
It’s like taking all the best things —- 
Love, family, loyalty, belonging — 
And placing them in the service of 
Cruelty and control.

That’s… kind of mind blowing. 

I want to ask questions, though. 
Isn’t a country just a kind of gang?

Love, family, loyalty, belonging…

All in the service of what?

Fair question. 
Should I leave you to get back to it?

Yeah, probably.
I’ll come get you in an hour or so,
We can go eat.

Sounds good.
Maybe I'll join you in
The questioning generation

That’s more like it

You don’t look happy

I’m not

What’s going on?

I keep trying to pretend that I’m still thirty, but it’s not working

Why would you want to do that? You are pretty much perfect as you are

Yeah, well, you would think that. Does the thought ever occur to you that maybe your best days are behind you? That the best thing you will ever do, you have already done?

All the time, frankly, yes

Don’t you find that thought depressing?

Honestly, I find thinking itself can be kind of depressing. But I never imagined I would amount to much, so realizing that I’m not can’t really bother me, can it

That is just about the “you-est” thing I think I’ve ever heard you say

What in particular has occasioned this line of thought, you think?

Closing the gallery. And not having any commissions. And 2020. And 2021.

That would do it

And all the diet and exercise in the world doesn’t hide aging. Eventually, you just look like a skinny old woman

Well, I hope I won’t, but I get your point

And I’m in a popularity business. If no one is asking for my work, is it really any good?

Hmm. That’s a lot. Lets take each of those one at a time, shall we?

Okay

You don’t want to pretend to be thirty, or any age younger than you are. It’s like taking a turn that doesn’t belong to you – it’s someone else’s turn to be that age. And, contrary to popular belief, we aren’t as old as we feel, or look, or whatever — we are each as old as we are. And that’s okay

I find that scant comfort. What else have you got for me?

As far as your best days being behind you: the only thing we have to work with is to make the best of however many days we have left, since none of us know. If we can laugh, sing, dance, hear a story, tell a story — these are wonderful things

I like that better

Closing the gallery was sad. But you took a risk. None of us could know about COVID. And it doesn’t mean you won’t open another one someday

Mmm.

As far as diet and exercise go, they suck. But they are also wonderful. Like life. And you are more beautiful than you could ever dream of knowing, and doing it without the benefit of being … quite as young is a real accomplishment

Aw.

And you should never question your work, because you do not and cannot ever know the real effect it has had on people. In the arts, earning money was always going to be choppy. We just have to wait for the next wave

You think?

I do. Look, I’m boring for a living, being an actuary. But the tradeoff with “boring” is “steady” — being in an exciting, glamorous profession like you are means tradeoffs

“Glamorous”, he says, to a woman covered in paint

My mom used to say that the reason she never took up drinking is that “it might have interfered with her suffering”. You are an artist, if you didn’t have all the emotions, you would be at a severe disadvantage

Well, I certainly have them all

Maybe we could get away from here for awhile after New Year’s. Would that help?

It might. What do you have in mind?

I was going to surprise you for Christmas, but I was thinking we might go out west. Like, Colorado.

I’m down for that

Good. Just, try and act surprised on Christmas

I love you, you know. Have I told you that lately?

I’m glad. Loving me will never interfere with your suffering

It can even enhance it, at times

Have you seen my jacket? It’s gotten cold out there

Yes, December has that feature

My, aren’t you in a sunny mood?

I just can’t believe this year is almost over. And that we have to go shopping

It’ll be fun!

Doing anything with you is fun. But crowds, not so much

Yeah, well. You hated crowds before Covid. You kind of pioneered social distancing

You say that like it’s a bad thing. Where are we starting?

Kohl’s. My mom is looking for a zip-front fleece

I get fleeced every time at Kohl’s, so that seems logical

Hey, look, Kohl’s has very reasonable prices. And I have coupons!

Are those still a thing?

Yes, my husband-who-majored-in-unawareness. They are just virtual now

I know about some stuff. I have a thirty-four foot receipt I got at CVS yesterday

Meaning, you don’t realize you could actually cash some of that stuff in?

You can?

Oh, boy. Anyway, we can shop for your brother and sister while we’re out.

What about your sister?

Already handled. We got her a very prestigious set of placemats.

And those are also still a thing?

This is why we have to get you out of the house every so often. Yes, people still eat meals at tables

Well, I’ve already learned enough popular anthropology to last a month. Can we just call it a day?

Um, no. We also have to drive up to Warm Springs.

Okay, now I’m actually interested. Who do we know who needs like real craftsmanship?

We have a niece and a nephew

We do, indeed. Okay, I’m down

Do you remember when we were dating and we —

— went on that impromptu trip to Warm Springs? I don’t think that’s a thing I would likely ever forget

No, I imagine not. I think of it often

Yeah, well. It’s hard to believe the stuff we used to do

And still occasionally do

True. While we’re up there, do you want to eat at the Bulloch House?

Sure. It should be lunch time by then. I’m glad you are warming to the day

Well it is called Warm Springs

Oy.
I finished "Adam Bede"

Wasn't it amazing?

It was, but... wow.
That story was sad on
Any number of levels.

I think the author 
Referred to it as 'realism'

I can see that.
It was beautiful, though.
I'm surprised that book
Isn't more famous than it is

I don't think most
Modern tastes care
For Eliot's writing style

Yeah, I know, she both
Shows AND tells.
But I find her interjection
Of her own voice to be
Surprisingly honest.
I mean,
Authors have opinions, and
We can almost always
Tell what they are.
Why not just say them?

That's a great point

So... what was it
About this book for you?

Okay.
I'm twenty-one years old,
Going into my last year
In college.
It's summer semester, so --

-- there were fewer people
On campus?

-- exactly.
The copy of the book I had
From our school library
Was an old bound book,
Much like the one you have.
I'd read it outside, everyday,
In the afternoons, after class.

You still remember
The setting, eh?

I do.
Any time a book
Totally transports you,
It's a memorable experience.
And I was fascinated
By how different
The world of the novel was,
Even though --

-- it was relatable.

Bingo.
And, at that age,
I could really relate to Seth.

Ohh.
Sweetheart --

I know, it's silly

No, it's...
You really saw yourself as
A loser, didn't you?

I was a loser.
Not at all like I am now.
At any rate,
I thought his was the life
I was destined to live.

But then I came along

Yeah, well.
That's my favorite part
Of every story.
So the book was beautiful,
The setting was memorable,
And I saw myself in it,
Albeit in small supporting role.

That book was very disturbing,
In parts.
I don't think our modern world
Is nearly as forgiving
As she or her characters were

We could stand to be more forgiving

People still believe in forgiveness,
But often, only when it involves 
They themselves being forgiven.

That is a very unsymmetrical
Arrangement

Which is why
It always fails

You sound like you've been having
A good time in here

I just got off the phone
With my sister and the kids.
She is insane,
And the kids are just like her

Yeah, she is. 
But she's a sweetheart.
Are the kids doing
Virtual school?

No, they are actually
Physically at school.
Although there are protocols.
It's been good for them.

What were you all
Laughing about?

She's telling me a story
About how willful Ellie is.
Eight years old,
Going on eighteen

I love Ellie

Oh, and she loves you.
Particularly since 
Her father's not around much,
Anymore

I don't really understand
Little girls.
Or big ones

Well, at least you're honest
Anyway, her description of all
Of the dramatics Ellie pulls
Sound a lot like how we were
As girls.
At least, with mom

Like?

Hands on hips.
Arms crossed.
"Hmmph!"
Flouncing off

Flouncing?
You guys flounced?

Oh, we were specialists.
I did the 200 meter
Freestyle flounce in high school.
Undefeated

And your sister?

Eh, she could flounce too.
Nose so high in the air
It left prints on the ceiling

I didn't realize
It was such an art form

Being overly-dramatic
Isn't a skill just anyone can master.
It takes strength of will,
And more concentration on form
Than you might think

I didn't really do drama,
Or melodrama.
I bypassed all that, and
Went straight to hysterics

You stayed there
For some years,
Didn't you?

Why yes I did

You should Facetime the kids some time

How?

Just Facetime Meredith.
She'll put you on with the kids.
They could use a few laughs.
They are too young to laugh at flouncing

And my humor is perfect for children
Five and eight?

Well, isn't it?

Yeah it is

You are just... beautiful.
Do I tell you that?

Sometimes

Well I think it all the time.
Whatcha up to?

Right now, I am reading about... fennel

I have no idea what that is

It's a vegetable used in cooking

Okay. And why are you reading about it?

I had some a few months ago, and
I kind of liked it.
So I thought I'd find out more about it

What does it taste like?

Kind of like... licorice,
Except... better

I like licorice, so,
That wouldn't be a problem for me

And I don't. But I liked this

Have you ever heard of horehound?
Like, used in candy?

Of course.
I love all the mint family plants.
Although I don't know that it's used much anymore

My brother HATED horehound candy.

Really? It's so unlike him to have
Extreme opinions.
He probably needs to eat more fennel

Now I'm hungry.
I'm not sure I want fennel, though.
Look, my brother isn't THAT much odder than
Your sister

Ahem.

Ok, he is, but still

When's the last time you talked to him?

Oh, wow, um... three months?
And that was by text

You should call him.
All this isolation is hardest on the introverts, 
In some ways

How do you figure?

When you don't get a lot of contact,
You really rely on what you get.
And he's not the type to reach out
To any one else

I'll call him, then.
Good idea.
Well, enjoy the fennel research

You know I will

Here is your coffee.
Do you use all these colors?

No, I just smash them around
To express my frustration.
Oh, good, this coffee is perfect.
Thank you

I’m going to go out for a drive,
If it’s okay with you

Sure.
I’ll be here, swearing at this canvas.
Don’t you usually watch football
On afternoons like this?

I’ll be listening in the car.
Football by a local team’s radio coverage
Is the best. They make no effort
At objectivity

As opposed to?

Good point.
I should say,
“They make no effort to feign objectivity
In support of a publicly stated
(Rather than tacit)
Goal”

Who do you cheer for again?

The Falcons.
But they are struggling.
They haven’t won a game.
The owner fired just about
The entire staff last week.

But you will be listening, anyway?

Of course!
But I didn’t figure my screaming at the TV
Would help you paint.
So I’ll do that in the car.

Well, have fun

Cheering for the Falcons
Isn’t exactly fun.
It’s more like penance