.the phases of collapse.

what? i’m sorry, what?
this, no — no, this cannot be true.
you’re leaving for awhile, is all.
it’s what you need to do.

but i’ll be here when you come back.
or if not here, i’ll be
someplace, much smaller, cheaper, but
you’ll know where to find me.

we’ll not do anything rash right now.
we’ll wait. just wait and see —

= = = = =

you want what? to work out what?
you LEFT — who cares? screw you.
you don’t care about us, so why
should we change what we do?

we were not good enough for you,
go on, go lead your life —
you didn’t want this home we made;
you didn’t want your wife —

so go on, ’cause i’m tired of this.
go live that life so vaunted:
and screw the woman down the street –
that’s what you really wanted

= = = = =

a new start we could make. it would
be better now, by far;
you could just quit that second job,
i’ll get a smaller car

and we can go and get some help.
you’re going through depression:
it’s not a thing you fix by only
going to one session

we’ll work on this. we’ll make it work.
i know that we can do it.
there’s lots of people struggling.
stay here, and we’ll work through it …

= = = = =

i love my child, but maybe i’m not meant
to be “in love” with anyone at all.
for years, the guys ignored me, and i spent
a lot of time just staring at the wall

i thought we would be different, but i guess
that i was not enough for him somehow;
my child’s life and mine are now a mess,
and nobody will ever love me now

to dream of being cherished, and to know
that all these dreams are simply foolishness;
and notice now, wherever i might go,
the couples everywhere, that now depress

my sagging spirit here, alone and low:
this wasn’t how things were
supposed
to go

= = = = =

he’s gone, and i go on, no, WE go on.
my son and i go out to claim our place;
i will not be ashamed of who i am
or set more grief upon that precious face

for many struggle daily in this world,
for love, success, to feel that they belong –
but i am not defeated, now, by love;
i am
and will be
here
alive
and strong

Tell Me Again

Tell me again of all the days to come,
Of how you’ll be my partner through it all.
My eyes aren’t working right, my hands are numb;
The story’s at an end, here, in this hall,
And I am left with dreams I’ve held so long
That letting go of them, though right, seems wrong.

Tell me again you’ll never, never change;
Tell me the lies I must have longed to hear.
There are announcements, but the voice seems strange,
As down the passageway you disappear,
And I am left to grief and to despair —
Another feeling you and I won’t share.

Instead, I guess, I’ll tell myself again:
I made what-never-was what-should-have-been

Red and Green

I married I married an Irish girl
With red red hair and a Celtic name
I traveled I traveled from sea to sea
By bold love to proclaim

I hallowed I hallowed recalescence
The iron the iron it cooled so fast
And left my old heart my gray heart no pretense
And little that would last

She left me she left me one Autumn day
The Irish lass with the red red hair
And the dearg glas cailín from far away
Left with the Samhain air
 


 

(“Red and Green” – 11-22-2014)

Morning Thought #2

Everything in life’s a contest,
Winning’s all, and nothing more:
Love and honor, truth and beauty,
All lie bleeding on the floor

Let’s get trophies, let’s be winners
In all things, without remorse;
Everything in life’s a contest:
Traffic, shopping, love, divorce

Spotty Memories

Pizza and Beer

We finished a rehearsal
One warm and muggy night;
A bunch of us decided
To meet up for a bite

So we had beer and pizza –
Which was a nice repast –
And I was chatting with a red-haired
Woman from the cast —

I asked her out to my place:
Just a fancy, nothing forced –
And then we’re getting married.
And then getting divorced.

The whole things started simply;
In six years, we were through —
It’s possible in telling this
I missed a point or two

For now although it’s foggy
Two things do stand out clear:
What ended up in sadness
Did start with too much beer.

Relationships and choices –
The whim of moments gone —
Just memories that fade away
Like hangovers
At dawn

Supposed to Be

Between what is and what should have been.

The way that it’s supposed to be,
We’d be out there together;
We’d watch watch her grow concurrently,
Then loose her from the tether that is us.

That’s “we”, not “me” and “you”:
A family’s what we had,
But now, that’s all a memory,
That went from good to bad —

You took my hand and I took yours.
We loved behind these folding doors
We’ve folded up and stored away –
For there’s nothing to hide now

I see you in our daughter’s eyes:
I do not think you realize
That she still holds out hope for us
That you have smashed to pieces —

The way that it’s supposed to be
I’m here for you, you’re here for me;
But there’s no “here” where we can meet,
Your smash-and-grab job’s quite complete

You lost respect for me and so

There’s nowhere left for love to go

No ground left to find empathy

The way that it’s

Supposed

To

Be