lying awake

she lies awake and wonders where it went
the glow that once surrounded who she was
for all the hidden talents she’s misspent
for random choices, lacking a “because”

in stillness now, she thinks of one mistake
her mother’s eyes with tears were dabbed and flecked
for all that woman’s faults, for goodness sake
she didn’t merit wanton disrespect

but now, her mother gone beyond her reach
the tears beset her eyes, and she feels shame
the lessons only loneliness can teach
when there is no one else that’s left to blame

but she’s no worse than most: it’s how she’s built
to lie awake awash in waves of guilt

The Last Chalice

I am a king here with my brew:
A king who has no need of you.
When I can press my lips to this
What need of I for your lost kiss?

A castle I will call this bar:
My minions, come from near and far,
Are here to drink with me and know
That we can still be high when low,

And reign over each cup and crumb,
And give in to the cold and numb —
With this last chalice, we will toast
What we let go, but still

Love most

fragility

she broke out in fragility,
twas written on her face –
the best of her ability
was covered, just in case

the last romance of circumstance
should ever come to call –
(one should not have a viewing
of this type of thing at all)

the life of harboring her thoughts
seemed right and good and plenty –
she’d lived like this for many years,
since she was maybe twenty –

but dangerous as it might seem
she knew no other way
(if asked her own opinion
heaven knows what she might say)

and so the journey to regret
she boarded faithfully:
while taking careful notice of
the small press gallery

who sat and looked for others and
in silence passed her by;
she had a dim remembrance
of another day and time

where she would shine at times, and so
she shudders now and then –
before she became fragile
oh, the girl she might have been

and still might be if careless –
her own thoughts she might then quote –
but she broke out in fragile once
and that was all
she wrote

Return Policy

Thoughtful

It seems she’s having second thoughts
And third thoughts
And fourth thoughts

About decisions she has made
And unmade
And remade

And everything that she desired
And longed for
And struggled for

Turns out, it all came at a price
And she might want
Her money back

The Weight of Memory

I woke this morning heavy in the thought
Of what it was when you were in the room;
And though these many years have changes wrought,
Your scent’s still in the air, your presence felt.

The dead still brushing by me in my day
With more of wistfulness than nearing doom:
As sense and mem’ry twine in interplay,
Amid the daily cards that I am dealt.

But how you shaped me those long years ago,
The threads of yours that weaved into my loom,
These make up who I am – and will, although
The solar heat of age my mind will melt.

I hope, amid my soul’s infirmity
That you’re not disappointed, now, with me


 

(“The Weight of Memory” – 7-14-2015)

If Memory Was Made of Glass

If memory was made of glass,
And I could see right through,
Perhaps I’d see it clearly: how
It’s always been with you

Perhaps then I could understand
What led you to each choice:
The demons on your shoulder, and
Your broken inner voice

But such has not been mine, as yet –
Clear-sighted memory –
And so I search these waters for
Some bit
Of clarity

Accepting

Accepting

She opened up a single empty box
That held her happy memories within,
And saw the mere projection of her hope
That had become more real than earthly him –

She sat out on the highway of remorse,
And stared out at the blue and distant sea;
Accepting, underneath the glaring sun,
The hope she’d held was just
Illusory


 

[The author of this blog would like to assure everyone that no photo models were harmed in the taking of the attached photo, I think. – Owen]

You Were Happy Then

You hadn’t come as far as you have now,
Or seen the many things that you have seen;
You hadn’t found out who you really are,
A thing you found out in the years between

But you might trade all that, and maybe more;
All those amazing places you have been –
For yes, much ignorance has been erased,
But heaven knows it:
You were happy
Then