Tertullian Would Have Loved It Here:

Just not the famous one.
The one who would have liked it
Would have tastes second to none.

He’d love the river and the mills,
The green and woody rolling hills;
He would like, I guess, the rain
Which is, these days, my morning pain.

And if Tertullian was mayor
I think he’d see, from over there
In Carthage, where he used to fare
That our roads are in disrepair.

Perhaps to fix them he’d would be
Wrapped up in obscure heresy
Of the old Montanist kind
But, oops, I think that I’ve been blind
Cause I forgot
That he was not
That Tertullian at all
Some other one I don’t recall

Since I don’t live in Carthage, I
Will end this post
And say goodbye



Healthy habits are easy… to think about.

So there’s this diet that I’m on –
At least, I meant to be –
I’m leery of what I consume
And this is good for me

The only thing that holds me back
Is my myopia;
If I just did the things I thought
I’d have


Five falling foibles fell away
As six successors sought
That faraway and fevered fund
That bland Belial bought.

By fantasy and Pharisee
The samurai were sent
To feign a final fallacy
Benificence had bent.

But faring father figures know
How seldom sadness sells,
Nor fraud and falsehood, fast and far,
Brought in with bonus bells.

Five fit and phosphorescent flaws
The six have seen still sullies —
The flow and flight of those who fail
Made ballet boys

From bullies

The Mathematics of Body Image Comparisons

In formula form, for your convenience. Remember, I am a professional mathematician, so don’t try this at home or anywhere else. You may not even want to try it here, it’s up to you.

I’ll put it down in formulas

We all want to be sexy:

You’ll never be as X as Y

And why? Y is

More X-ey

My Doctor Says

My doctor says that I should x,
But I am through with x’ing;
For every x, there is a “y” —
The whole thing’s rather vexing.

So many known unknown unknowns;
They vary in the passing —
My doctor says, if I’d be whole
I need to quit half-assing

My mind and body are my own,
Except, they go where he goes;
He looks at wax inside my ears
For reasons only he knows

He’s late, and so I sit and wait;
My schedule rearranging —
My doctor says that I should x,
But “x” keeps fricking