(While at the hospital almost seven years ago for the birth of our new grandson, I spoke to a father whose daughter was undergoing chemotherapy. These were his words.)
So I cannot cease,
Nor can rest,
Knowing you’re in pain –
I would do and I
Would undo
So many things now
My child: if I could
Somehow trade
Places with you here —
My heart lies open:
Why can’t I
Save you like I should?
8-22-2015
He wishes he could spare her tears today.
But there is nothing, nobody who can;
For tears will out – they’ll always find a way,
To issue when they will, despite of plan
That she might have of putting on brave face.
He loves her with an old man father’s love,
Full wishing he her sorrows could erase,
But knowing what her tears are symptoms of
He does not try to do what can’t be done.
No comforting with words that are but lies,
No hopes that have no hope, no stories spun,
Just loving silence all the while she cries.
But if a bridge from his love could appear
She could walk to the moon and back from here
“I’m sorry,” – I heard that,
But then the rest was hard to hear –
“I should have told you months ago,” –
And my mind raced with fear
“Bye,” her sad voice said,
And then the voicemail ended there
To leave me hanging on
And questioning exactly where
My stepdaughter was now,
And what had happened, knowing she
Had once again resurfaced
From her life of misery
Her drug addiction demons
Having driven her away
And us not knowing where she was
From day to fear-filled day
And now this message. Broken-hearted,
Aching for my girl
Who, cast away, unhappy
Languished somewhere in the world
When softly, gently I heard knocking
On my study door
And opened it to find her there,
Much as she was before
As she threw arms around me,
And as many tears were shed
“I’m home now, daddy,”
“Welcome back.”
Like my heart –
From
The
Dead
(“Wayward” – 11-9-2014)
My child, you were born for this:
To shine out like a star —
For we are what we do,
And we do what
We are
Every Saturday, her dad
Would grill in their backyard;
With charcoal hot on cinder blocks,
While she kept watch and guard.
And savory and sapid-sweet
Were those times without care;
Until the day the grill went cold,
And her dad wasn’t there.
See, no one lit those coals again,
Although she looked in vain;
In bars and underneath soft sheets
She sought that taste again.
She could not find her lost charcoal;
Her desperate search – no trace –
Till she woke in a small white room
With charcoal on her face
Fathers: dote on daughters
Do not leave them lacking
Know that they need nurture
So don’t sit there, slacking
Not much time to treasure
Don’t get bound by bothers:
Warmed to grow to greatness
Formed by loving fathers
To me, a cube’s an elephant.
To you, a sphere’s an otter,
And we would think each other weird
If you were not
My daughter
