Forgiveness

I wonder if you ever knew
How much I loved and envied you;
Each move you made so effortless,
Your carefree natural blessedness

That I resented foolishly,
Despite how you believed in me.
For though my heart’s a universe,
It has black holes in it — and worse —

So now, upon the crest of time,
I see the separation
I caused by my inveterate
And weak self-immolation —

But silent now the river runs,
I view it, somber, gray and tired:
Forgiveness I can’t ask for, since
You’re now where none’s

Required

Diaries of Another Summer (5)

His girlfriend had a sister,
She’d join us at the pool;
That might have been pool water,
Or might have been his drool

I watched them every weekend,
And saw the slide begin;
It’s bad to mix up summertime,
Hot sisters, and
Sloe gin

Missing the Man

I found myself missing the man today, because
Every once in a while, I forget he died.
If that sounds crazy to you, don’t worry,
One day you’ll understand.

Part of us never leaves the denial stage:
About grief, or anything else.
That’s part of what fiction is all about:
Saying “no” to reality, with gusto.

I remember once, going to his house
While he was grilling and telling stories.
His steaks weren’t great, but his stories
Were always sensational,
And always emotional.

I found myself missing the man today, because
Life is a very long canyon, and love
In an endless echo

in it

Frozen Rows

I stand amid the frozen rows,
And think of long-lost friends;
Where stones line up just like these trees
And sorrow never ends

I stand amid the winter gloom,
A hush is on the clearing,
I guess that I could join them all,
But I’m not volunteering

I Knew Them When

I knew them when
The fields were gold,
And hours filled
With guiltlessness

I knew them on
Their wedding day:
In youth, with all
Its weightlessness —

I knew them in
The times before:
The sunset walks,
And reveries —

I knew them when
There was a them,
And more than tears

And memories

The Winter Stars Came Out That Night

The winter stars came out that night
To smile on us, and sing —
We watched our breath in clouds like smoke,
Our faces coloring —

We sang our carols in the snow,
And glided towards the dawn,
December in our hearts, we watched
Until the stars were gone.

We went back with our families,
Each one to different lives;
That village now, a different place.
But this one thing survives —

A memory like yesterday,
And I can guarantee it:
The winter stars came out that night
And we were there

To see it

I saw three tulips in a row…

I saw three tulips in a row
As if in mimicry of rows of stone;
They stood a flimsy guard upon the way
That I have walked today,
And walked alone —

So recently, just shaking hands,
Before you left to come out here to sleep;
And now these silent guards keep watch
Of one lone new dug swatch
Where you’ve your keep —

Life tears at us, and rips us, to
The core of what we’ve been and are;
And friends just float away like
Lost balloons
The spring is new mown in the grass,
And what was near now seems so far,
The clouds, they stack, for
Gathering monsoons

A glance: three tulips in a row,
Three brothers duty-borne and newly free:
So much that once seemed far is near,
Like history – or destiny –
And my despairing wish
You still
Were here