Scenes from My Real Life, Vol 1

Me: … The year we stopped automatically giving Valentines to everyone in our class, I stopped getting Valentines.

Wife: Were you actually giving out Valentines to anyone at that age?

Me: Oh, yes, heavens, yes. I just never got any. I actually had one returned.

Wife: (Laughing) – I’m sorry – I shouldn’t laugh –

Me: And these women who show up now and claim they had crushes on me back then – I call bullshit. If they did, where were the Valentines, huh? WHERE WERE THE FREAKING VALENTINES?

Wife: How old were you when you had a Valentine returned?

Me: I was twelve. I went home and told my mom, who, just like you, laughed.

Wife: What did she say?

Me: She said, “What happened?” and I said, “I got one of my Valentines returned, opened. I’m surprised it didn’t say ‘Dear contributor, we regret that your submission does not suit our present needs.’ My Valentine essentially got a rejection slip.”

Wife: Was it a girl you really liked?

Me: Well, if I didn’t before, I did then. I became obsessed.

Wife: The thrill of the chase, huh? You liked the challenge?

Me: No, I was just really attracted to someone who had the same opinion of me I did.


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6 Thoughts to “Scenes from My Real Life, Vol 1

  1. there was an indiscriminate innocence back then going back home with a handful or them from everyone boys and girls alike

      1. i’ve felt that conversations often work best when you pretend you’ve missed part of what’s been said and pick up on what you believe (or not) you’ve heard when someone else was passing you the mashed potatoes over the tray of cranberries..

  2. I love this conversation with your wife, your so lucky to have a wife! I really relate to your becoming obsessed with the girl after she rejects you. My life has been somewhat blighted by unrequited love, first in my teens and twenties and now with someone I think I love and want to marry who has no interest in me whatsoever. I have set aside 2016 as the year to break this pattern and actually get into a relationship with someone I really like, and fancy, who likes and fancies me back. I haven’t yet been on any dates with such a person but will keep everyone posted when I do. http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY

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