Sketches – 29

Sleep singing. It’s a thing.

How is your day going?

Fine, so far — you?

Oh, good. Did you
Sleep okay last night?

No, not really,
I was kind of up and down.

Because you were singing.
In your sleep.

Sleep singing?
I think not.
I may snore, but
I would never do anything
So gauche
As to sing in my sleep.

I recorded it.
You want to hear it?

I’m dreading this.
But sure.






You called me at work
Just to RickRoll me?

No, also to tell you
I had fun last night

So did I

Well, before the singing.

I love you, but
You are very strange

You love me because
I’m very strange

Maybe so…

Definitely so

Sketches – 21

Revisionist history, revisited.

You look beautiful today.

As opposed to how I look most days?

No, you look lovely most days, just… particularly so, today.

I figured you were bored with me, because you spend all your spare time writing.

I figured you were bored with me, because you spend all your spare time at your mom’s.

Ugh. She’s been cantankerous lately. On the warpath.

About what?

You name it. They don’t make the ranch chicken the way they used to over at Daily Deli, she’s got a good 40 minutes of material on that.

Ugh, indeed. Well, you look beautiful today, anyway.

Would you be willing to take my mom to get her car fixed tomorrow?

Sure, I guess. What’s wrong with it?

She says it sounds funny.

That sentence sounds funny. Oh, alright, it should be fun. I love your mom.

She loves you too, seriously. The first five years we were together, all I heard from her was “don’t run this one off, he’s really good…”

Was that a habit of yours? Hanging out on the front porch with a shotgun, running off men?

No. Might have been a better use of my time than macrame was, now that I picture it.

It wouldn’t have been that easy to run me off.


Ummm… no, actually it would have been really easy. So I’m glad you didn’t do it.

Me, too. I really didn’t want to take my mom to get her car fixed…

We men have our uses.

Sketches – 28

The world seems cold and dark.

Why do you look so sad, my lovely one?

The world seems cold and dark to me today.
Don’t you have hours that you feel this way?

I do. Such feelings cannot be outrun.

What say you that we lay and rest a bit?

The restlessness I feel’s my own, I fear:
And though you’ll touch me, I will not be here.

Still, we can try – that much you must admit –

Where are your thoughts right now, if you can say?

They’re on the world itself, so full of dread:
‘Tween what-should-be and what-we-have-instead.

Oh, wow. That’s more than I can hug away —

We lay and listened to the morning birds;
For some things can’t be fixed by deeds or words.

Sketches – 27

Bloggers. And memory.

Who have you been talking to online?

One of my blogger friends.

Male or female?


Oh. And — where does she live?

She and her husband and kids live
In the northeast, somewhere, I believe.

Any reason for the emphasis on the words
“Husband” and “kids”?

Only because I didn’t like where
This felt like it was going.

Do you get bored with me?

What? No!

What about our life, together – here.
Do you daydream about other lives, other places?

I do not.

I’m pretty sure you do…
Look: don’t get mad with me.
I know what I see.
Yes, you love me, but —
But —

But what?

You’re always restless.

That’s why I write.
Why I play music.
That’s why you paint, isn’t it?

Well, I paint for money.
I draw and sketch for that reason, though,
I suppose.

Do you honestly think
I’m out looking for someone else?

No, but, everywhere we go, women really like you.
That must be true online, as well.

Look, you are the beautiful, popular one.
I’m a mathematician, for pete’s sake.
Not known for our awesome powers of

What about Leonhard Euler?
Didn’t he have, like, thirteen children?

I… your memory is amazing.
Look, it’s Saturday afternoon.
Why don’t we go down to the courthouse
And get married?

We’re already married.

Well, you mentioned Euler.
If I can’t convince you I love you
In one step, I thought maybe
I’d use a method of
Successive approximations.

Fine, but we’re not having
Thirteen children.

I’d settle for just having
One you, only —
A little happier.

Then put that tablet away for a few hours
And make me happy.

Happening… now.

Sketches – 26

Classic comedy.

Hey, babe — whatcha watching?

One of my all-time favorite comedies. It is so funny.

What’s it called?

“Arsenic and Old Lace”. It’s a classic.

What’s the basic plot?

It’s about a family of insane murderers.

Oh, that sounds… wait, what?

They are like super-respectable and descended from people who came over on the Mayflower. Only they’re all like crazy killers.

When was this movie made? The 1970’s?

No, I think during World War II. Cary Grant is in it.

And it’s funny.

Oh, very. This is probably the 10th time I’ve seen it.

I think you maybe should have told me about your taste in movies before we got married.

I think you need to watch your step, mister.

Or what?

If you really want to find out, just don’t watch your step, see what happens.

I think it would be wise for me to watch my step. In fact, I’m going to go do that right now.

I’ll be in here, laughing.

I’ll be out there, worrying


Sketches – 25

Posing, or pre-posing…

Ok, give me just a second

I already took the picture

What? I wasn’t ready!

It looks great though –
Professional quality

It looks stupid.
I’m fixing my hair

Photographers are always looking
For life as it really is

Yes, well
Your wife as she really is
Wants a do-over

Fine, but
I’m keeping this one

Of course you are –
With that weird texture behind me
It looks like maybe I have bees in my hair —

Five years from now
We will be telling everyone
About that time you had
Bees in your hair

People will believe us,
I’d bet


Hive mentality

Sketches – 24

A confession.

I have a confession to make

What is it?

I don’t really enjoy…
Watching professional wrestling

I’m pretty sure I already knew that –
You’re missing out on some great stuff, but
To each his own —

Ok, ok —
That’s not my real confession

What is? What’s bothering you?

I’m not sure I want to paint anymore

Wow. That’s surprising –
What’s gotten you to that point?

I don’t sell many paintings –
Reviewers ignore me –
My own family buys them but
Doesn’t display them…

But you’re an amazing artist

You’re biased because you love me

I’m biased because I’ve seen your paintings –
What else are you feeling?

Recently, I’ve felt
No inspiration –
I mean, here we are, on the beach —


And nothing is giving me ideas –
I’m more excited about that wine
We found at dinner last night
Than the Gulf of Mexico –
Isn’t that messed up?

No – it’s just
How you’re feeling –
Feelings aren’t wrong or right:
They just are

I think I’m getting depressed

I think you might be –
What do you think you should do?

I don’t know, maybe –
Get a therapist or something?


I didn’t want to tell you, because
You paid for this trip and all, and
I don’t want to seem ungrateful —

Oh, yes –
You deliberately went out
And got depressed
Just so you could ruin our time
At Doug and Laura’s timeshare –
I’m so angry —

So you’re not mad or…

Depression is like
The stock market —
If you think you can control it,
You end up jumping off buildings

Morbid, but, very true –
And a little long to make a good t-shirt,
But still —
Thank you

I love you, and
I know what depression is like –
So — I’ll do whatever I can
To help…
And I know something that
Might help right now…

Is this turning into a sex thing?

No – I have WWE Network
Right here, on my iPad —

Maybe we both need counseling