“I Want to Ride a Unicorn to School…”

Is that a unicorn?

It is.
I want to ride a unicorn to school.

Well, so do I.
It would be worth going back to school
Just for that.

This is a tree.

It looks exactly like one.
And that’s the sun?

No, that’s my sun.
And your fence.

I always wanted a fence.
Can I keep out scary people with it?

Yes.
Like Red Hulk.

The unicorn won’t scare him away?

No, he would scare the unicorn.
Unicorns don’t like Red Hulk.

I’m sure they don’t.
Do you want to be an artist when you grow up?

No.
Now.

Sketches – 31

It’s nice back here.
We need one of these.

Yes, this house is really great, I can see why they love it.
You do know that everyone else is out by the pool, right?

My skin and the sun aren’t on speaking terms, to use your expression.
We could probably both fit on this —

Dear, some of my fondest memories are of you and me on hammocks.
However, I weigh quite a bit more than I used to.
I know from experience: when the ambulance shows up, the party is pretty much over.

{ … silent imploring expression … }

Oh, all right. Scooch over.

I don’t think “scooch” is an actual word.
And see? We do both fit.

We’re like half a centimeter from the floor.

Oh, stop.

What was the kiss for?

Because you came to this dreadful party with me.
Everyone here is half our age.

They seem to be having fun.

I have some ideas for our drive later.

Cool. Is there a particular place you want to go?

Let’s go up to the backwaters.
My dad’s old fishing lake.

Wouldn’t we need permission?

I have a key.

Seriously? I never knew you had a key.

I just got it. You know David, the sort of tall, blonde, flabby one?
He’s the grandson of the original owners.
He remembered us coming when he was young.

He’s still young.

If you were younger, you’d know what
You ought to be doing right now.

There are like a million windows in this room.

Oh, grow up.

Sketches – 30

The breakfast of champions.

My stars, you look beautiful this morning.

You think so? Well, we’ve got a big day ahead.

A big day of… of what? Did I forget something?

You’d better be joking.

Yeah, of course I’m… no, I’m drawing a blank. No clue.

You need to remember, I’m not helping you out of this.
Thank you for the flowers by the way.

You’re welcome, but, you actually thanked me yesterday.

I know. But they’re still beautiful.
Want some orange juice?

I’ll get it. Seriously, what are we doing today?

The Retirement-slash-Fourth-of-July party? Remember?

Oy. Yes. Ugh.

Such enthusiasm. It is our own family, you know.

And I love Ronnie, it’s just —

You’d rather sit around and reread Harry Potter all day?

Well – yeah, I would.
Do you really want to go?

Me? Heavens, no.
But I got up and made myself presentable, now I feel obliged to go.

You do look amazing.

Thank you.
So — what if we go but cut out early?
Before the heavy drinking starts?

I like the sound of that.
Maybe we could go for a drive in the country afterwards.

My mother warned me about men like you.

Really? What did she say?

They’ll flatter you, then try to get you off alone in their cars.

Yes, that sounds like me. She pretty much has my number.

My mom better not have your number.

She hardly ever calls at 3 am any more…

You are about to get a plate of oranges upside your head.

A good concussion might help me enjoy the party more.

Oh please. If I have to suffer through it, you do.

Fair enough.

Sketches – 29

Sleep singing. It’s a thing.

How is your day going?

Fine, so far — you?

Oh, good. Did you
Sleep okay last night?

No, not really,
I was kind of up and down.
Why?

Because you were singing.
In your sleep.

Sleep singing?
I think not.
I may snore, but
I would never do anything
So gauche
As to sing in my sleep.

I recorded it.
You want to hear it?

I’m dreading this.
But sure.

http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh

.

.

.

.

.

Seriously?
You called me at work
Just to RickRoll me?

No, also to tell you
I had fun last night

So did I

Well, before the singing.

I love you, but
You are very strange

You love me because
I’m very strange

Maybe so…

Definitely so

Sketches – 21

Revisionist history, revisited.

You look beautiful today.

As opposed to how I look most days?

No, you look lovely most days, just… particularly so, today.

I figured you were bored with me, because you spend all your spare time writing.

I figured you were bored with me, because you spend all your spare time at your mom’s.

Ugh. She’s been cantankerous lately. On the warpath.

About what?

You name it. They don’t make the ranch chicken the way they used to over at Daily Deli, she’s got a good 40 minutes of material on that.

Ugh, indeed. Well, you look beautiful today, anyway.

Would you be willing to take my mom to get her car fixed tomorrow?

Sure, I guess. What’s wrong with it?

She says it sounds funny.

That sentence sounds funny. Oh, alright, it should be fun. I love your mom.

She loves you too, seriously. The first five years we were together, all I heard from her was “don’t run this one off, he’s really good…”

Was that a habit of yours? Hanging out on the front porch with a shotgun, running off men?

No. Might have been a better use of my time than macrame was, now that I picture it.

It wouldn’t have been that easy to run me off.

Really?

Ummm… no, actually it would have been really easy. So I’m glad you didn’t do it.

Me, too. I really didn’t want to take my mom to get her car fixed…

We men have our uses.

Lauren Called…

Lauren called: she told that she missed
The time we spent together, and the way
We used to text each other through the day,
And all the things that used to get me pissed
(Like how I’d rant on traffic and what-not)
And then she paused, and said to me “Guess what?

I’m pregnant, and I’m going to have a boy.”
“I said that’s great. Congrats! I didn’t know –”
“… that I was seeing anyone. I wasn’t.
This happened, and I’m giving it a go -”
“I’m happy for you, Lauren. That is great.
A little boy – now, I can hardly wait.”

She said, “I wish –” then said but one thing more:
“I’ll see you ’round.” Then I said, “Yeah. For sure.”

Sketches – 28

The world seems cold and dark.

Why do you look so sad, my lovely one?

The world seems cold and dark to me today.
Don’t you have hours that you feel this way?

I do. Such feelings cannot be outrun.

What say you that we lay and rest a bit?

The restlessness I feel’s my own, I fear:
And though you’ll touch me, I will not be here.

Still, we can try – that much you must admit –

Where are your thoughts right now, if you can say?

They’re on the world itself, so full of dread:
‘Tween what-should-be and what-we-have-instead.

Oh, wow. That’s more than I can hug away —

We lay and listened to the morning birds;
For some things can’t be fixed by deeds or words.


 

(“Sketches – 28” – 3-19-2017)