.the phases of collapse.

what? i’m sorry, what?
this, no — no, this cannot be true.
you’re leaving for awhile, is all.
it’s what you need to do.

but i’ll be here when you come back.
or if not here, i’ll be
someplace, much smaller, cheaper, but
you’ll know where to find me.

we’ll not do anything rash right now.
we’ll wait. just wait and see —

= = = = =

you want what? to work out what?
you LEFT — who cares? screw you.
you don’t care about us, so why
should we change what we do?

we were not good enough for you,
go on, go lead your life —
you didn’t want this home we made;
you didn’t want your wife —

so go on, ’cause i’m tired of this.
go live that life so vaunted:
and screw the woman down the street –
that’s what you really wanted

= = = = =

a new start we could make. it would
be better now, by far;
you could just quit that second job,
i’ll get a smaller car

and we can go and get some help.
you’re going through depression:
it’s not a thing you fix by only
going to one session

we’ll work on this. we’ll make it work.
i know that we can do it.
there’s lots of people struggling.
stay here, and we’ll work through it …

= = = = =

i love my child, but maybe i’m not meant
to be “in love” with anyone at all.
for years, the guys ignored me, and i spent
a lot of time just staring at the wall

i thought we would be different, but i guess
that i was not enough for him somehow;
my child’s life and mine are now a mess,
and nobody will ever love me now

to dream of being cherished, and to know
that all these dreams are simply foolishness;
and notice now, wherever i might go,
the couples everywhere, that now depress

my sagging spirit here, alone and low:
this wasn’t how things were
supposed
to go

= = = = =

he’s gone, and i go on, no, WE go on.
my son and i go out to claim our place;
i will not be ashamed of who i am
or set more grief upon that precious face

for many struggle daily in this world,
for love, success, to feel that they belong –
but i am not defeated, now, by love;
i am
and will be
here
alive
and strong

Author: Beleaguered Servant

Owen "Beleaguered" Servant (a/k/a Sibelius Russell) writes poetry mostly, with an occasional pause to have a seizure.

3 thoughts on “.the phases of collapse.”

  1. You give such a clear glimpse of the inner and outer chaos that ensues when a family breaks down/falls apart. The dialogue is perfect! Minds and hearts swirling, swirling. This is love: “or set more grief upon that precious face”

    Liked by 2 people

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