(A few of my friends – some of whose adventures I have chronicled previously – found out I kept a poetry blog, and have provided me with some helpful suggestions for poems. A selection of the more repeatable ones are shown below. – Owen) I met a traveler from an antique land Who said, “You … Continue reading "Classical Poetry, as Updated by My Despicable Friends"
(Originally published February, 2017) How is your wife? She left me. What happened? She decided I did not meet Her minimum standards. And what are those? Something about faithfulness And caring, I think. I wasn’t really listening. Why not? The Super Bowl was on. I had $400 on the Falcons! So you lost your wife … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 8"
could you lend me about a hundred dollars? what for? i’m overdrawn. have you had a lot of bills? no… i’ve been spending my entire paycheck on “draft kings dot com”… i’ve had a run of bad luck, though why are you spending so much there? it was recommended therapy. for what? my gambling problem (This … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 7"
If my wife calls Will you tell her I’m in a meeting? Will you be in a meeting? No, I’ll be with my mistress… I guess technically, we will be meeting. So, yes. No I will not tell your wife any such thing. Tell her yourself. Good idea. I’ll call first, and tell her I’ll … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 6"
how are things going on match dot com? oh, i had a date this weekend, but it had a few glitches what happened? she said she was expecting someone twenty years younger and sixty pounds lighter i told you, man – you shouldn’t lie like that in your profile — are you going to change it? … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 5"
i asked him why did you put a twenty-year old picture on match dot com? he said twenty years ago there was a chance some woman would fall in love with me. i said are you honestly trying to meet twenty-five year old women? he said are you honestly asking me that question? (A lot … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 4"
i asked her why she slept with her best friend’s husband she said up until recently we’d always shared everything (It’s not just my male friends who are despicable. – Owen)
i didn’t think you cared anything about politics i don’t but there are so few straight men participating in these marches the women are desperate it’s like shooting fish in a barrel so you don’t care about the cause, you just want women and go to where there is the least competition? yes it’s the … Continue reading "tales of my despicable friends, episode 2"
his new thing is picking up women at protest marches although i don’t think genetically modified orgasms are a real thing (They really are despicable. – Owen)