[From a journal I used to keep –]

… I see you every day and I dream about you – my body produces this ridiculous overabundance of sperm cells, cells I wish I could leave inside you, feeling you, tasting you – it is a madness, and obsession, it follows me everywhere and haunts my every waking moment – but I can’t make you feel it, you don’t feel it, your eyes wander elsewhere, and my whole mind goes numb with rejection – until tonight, when I’ll see you again, for even my dreams conspire against me, and you will be there, and you will give yourself to me, and I will know what I will never know what I will never know what I can never know …