past / gone

[This could have been called, “Old Poem, Written Age 25,” but I chose to retain its original title, even while heavily reworking the content. – Owen]


 

a few weeks, all it was, and yet

you linger in this air –

your presence was reality

and more than everywhere

 

the past is gone, they say, and so

i should just let you go –

but you were my first happiness

and it’s still all i know

 

and now, life’s fallen by the way,

and so much seems a waste —

and words we say seem fake, next to

the world we touch

and taste

A Certain Kind of Trouble

The kind of trouble that she was
I’d never known in all my days;
But found in new and countless ways
That trouble is as trouble does

Entrancing in her loveliness,
And seemingly so soft and sweet:
I found her virtue truly fleet,
For she, at heart, was pitiless

Our troubles take a certain shape.
I sought, from her, a higher ground:
But when I breathed her in, I found
A trouble I could not
Escape

Roni’s Engagement

She called to tell me that she was engaged –
Me, dating some love spasm at the time –
Who I brought with me to meet them for drinks
Which I think were Coronas – yes – with lime

And she still looked a perfect movie star
And so did he, if truth, in fact, be told;
They were so good together: he was kind.
And I was happy for the ring of gold

She wore now on her finger as a sign
That she with him would now forever stay.
A thing I thought unlikely at the time,
Although they’re still together to this day

It’s funny: I write poems all the time.
I dredge these stories up from memory:
And find sometimes I didn’t know my heart
Until I write these down in poetry

We’d flirted with each other, and had tested
The waters of erotic friendliness;
When that part of our friendship was abandoned
I found, I didn’t love her any less

I loved her more as friends; for she was regal,
And meant for kindness as a life reward:
And she was happy now – I know she still is –
With someone who loved her
Who she
Adored

Love Spasm the Eighth, Part 2

Sometimes I was the one aggrieved,
At times, the one aggrieving –
With her, the fault lays all with me:
Tale told, without deceiving

I chased her, summertime to fall.
Tore down her barriers of doubt;
But once I got beyond her wall,
I couldn’t get back out –

And panicked when I found back there,
That once she loved, she loved for real:
And that was more, much more than I
Was then prepared to feel.

Although I disappointed her,
To work so long to leave so fast,
The same thing would be done to me,
Before much time had passed.

And so we all will live to get,
Our turn at each role in the play:
I’m sure that she’s long over it,
But wish I had not been
That way

Love Spasm The Sixth

Do not ask me how it happened
To this day I’m not quite sure –
A girl who I went to church with
And a friendship long secure

Spoke to her Christmas vacation
She was helping church day care;
Said, “Why don’t we catch a movie?”
She said, “Sure, then. When and where?”

So that night we went to see
Some horrid awful slasher flick
I am glad we got distracted
Watching would have made me sick

Yes, somehow we fell to kissing
In the cool, protected dark
Of the nearly empty movie.
Later, we went to a park

Over by the airfield runway.
Watched the planes over our heads:
Stayed out very late indeed, then
Headed each back to our beds.

At the time, I had no inkling
Just when, just how, I’d gone wrong:
With the decades, now, for distance
I know I came on too strong

So our first night was the last night
For another girl and guy:
One more chance at love that faltered
Just a test that went awry

But, I did learn one thing from her,
That has served me well since then:
If you never ask the question
You won’t know
What might
Have been

Love Spasm The Fourth – Postscript

Love Spasm 4b

He asked me was it serious
I said I didn’t know;
But I needed to talk to her
Before I had to go

She lived just down the way
I met her just outside her place:
The breeze was blowing, as
She brushed the hair back from her face

I said, “Last night was wonderful.”
She said, “Yes, it was nice.”
The wind was flowing frigid
As my heart turned into ice

And I realized I’d been thinking that
This girl might be the one —
When she merely passing time
Inconsequential
Fun

Love Spasm The Fourth

Love Spasm 04

I had a friend who loved a girl
But dated her roommate:
We were then both in college
He lived in another state

I travelled up to his school
Without notice, on a whim:
The Friday that I got there
I could not see much of him

Because of things he had to do.
He told me with a shrug
That I could take this girl out
Who I knew he really dug

So we played tennis, she and I
Then drank at a cafe:
Then drove her white convertible
To pass the time away

And much to my surprise
Some things then happened, unforeseen:
‘Twas very late when I got back
And he was passed out, clean —

He asked me, what had happened
The next morning, with a smile:
“We played tennis — had some drinks —
Then drove around awhile…”

He looked at me, astonished
For he knew me far too well;
He heard what I had not said,
In the things I didn’t tell

And we sat there in silence
As he sadly shook his head
He wasn’t mad at me at all
But at himself instead

For he was with her roommate.
Truth is truth, and fair is fair:
But what he shared with me
He never
Ever
Meant
To share