You’re getting married, I can see.
Congrats to John and Janice —
But if that water rises more
You’ll be wed in
Atlantis
Tag: Humor
Met / Party
He met this girl at a party, where
They both had gotten wasted;
They drank a lot of beer, though not
The best he’d ever tasted
And somewhere in that stranger’s house
They started making out;
They made it back to her place where
They each left little doubt
That they were drunk out of their minds
In excess of libido:
He woke up naked, next to her
Wearing half a tuxedo
And though he was not certain,
Just how far it all they’d carried:
Better to have one fewer beers
Then wind up smashed
And married
To share is human:
It Happened
It happened kind of suddenly,
It wasn’t really planned;
Two co-workers: and in some way
That I don’t understand
We just made a connection, and
The stars aligned just right:
She said to come and meet her
When she got off shift that night
We drove to her place, where, she said
That we could make some noise:
Which she began, by belting show tunes
In an off-key voice
And then she showed me her pet snails;
She had about a dozen –
And told me how her first time was
Her mom’s half-sister’s cousin
And how she thought it great
I want to marry her and all;
And how big of a wedding, and
Reception, and what hall
We’d need to rent for all her friends.
And how she was so glad,
I wasn’t like the last guy, ’cause
That really turned out bad
She told him she would sleep with him,
He’d said, “No, thanks, I guess.”
And then, “You think I’m pretty, Owen?”
And I said, “Um… yes…”
She grabbed me by the face, and said:
“Then you make the first move.”
And so I bolted from her place
And my mood did improve.
So guys, a word of warning,
Let my mistake be your guide:
Just ’cause the wrapping’s nice
Does not mean you’ll want
What’s inside
To share is human:
The Hipster
My friend the hipster said to me
That I could not a hipster be
“For one thing, you should, well, be hip
And maybe look good when you strip.”
I thanked him for his honesty
Then kicked him where
His gear should be
To share is human:
Family Reunion
So when my family reunites
Tis one of nature’s strangest sights
What others might just deem “cosplay”
We here just call
A normal day
To share is human:
A Rather Testy Q&A
Where do you get your ideas? she asked.
Oh, down at Fifth Street and Main:
There’s a guy there with a flatbread truck
Who has an extra brain.
What time of day do you write? she asked.
Well I have a schedule serene:
I write when I’m waking and when I’m asleep
And everywhere else in-between.
Don’t you find rhyme artificial? she asked.
I guess, just like poetry is —
If you do not like it, then don’t read my blog
And also: go mind your own biz
(Originally published 12-10-2014)
To share is human:
Humor
Misery thrives in ev’ry clime,
Though we try not to feed it;
We can’t say just what humor is,
We only know
We need it
“Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.” – E.B.White – A Subtreasury of American Humor (1941).
(… a Daily Prompt prompted post …)
To share is human:
Thanks For The Info!
She showed him how to touch her
She told him when to do it
She wrote him out a primer
Then tested him all through it
He then used all she taught him –
Each lesson, fine and rich –
On someone quite appreciative
Who wasn’t such
A bitch
