Christmas Cat

Waiting again.

Ech, I have to wait again —
I just really do hate waiting.
She’ll be home soon – wonder when?
Ticking clocks are just so grating.

Dang that woman’s slow as Christmas.
It IS Christmas. Sorry, there —
But perhaps I can transport her
Using my

The Introvert At The Christmas Party

Hello… hello… it’s nice to meet you… hello

My God, it’s loud in there.
She’ll be here soon and we’ll go in…

How long, I wonder, will she want to stay?
They must have spent ten thousand dollars on this place!

Oh look, I got three more “likes”…
I wonder how cold it’s supposed to get tonight?

Hey, there, sweetheart. Coats go over here.
I’ll tip her, I brought cash. Your hands are cold.

The Who’s? They own a funeral parlor. Got it.
Oh… he has cancer. How long? (He looks good…)

My gosh it’s loud in here. Say that again. What?!
There’s hardly room to squeeze through there. Let’s go around.

I think there’s someone I know over there.
He doesn’t remember me. Of course.

I’m not sure we’ll be able to find a place to sit.
Hello… hello… it’s nice to meet you… hello

Yes, Owen, that’s right. O-W-E-N. Um, fourteen years.
No, I’m not from here, I came from Florida. Twenty years.

What’s that? Who? No, I don’t remember them. The movies?
How long ago? (Excuse me. Is this the line?) What happened to them?

Divorces are ugly, that much I know. She does what now? (Hello.
I’m Owen. Yes, I’m with her.) The band is really loud. I know, they are good.


Ah, home.
You want to chill a whie? Fine with me.


Most of all, this time of year…

Everywhere I go, I hear her

Most of all this time of year

Time was that I loved her truly

Her sweet tones I thrilled to hear


Maybe I’ve grown cold or heartless

And I’d love, if I’d the choice

The old wonder to feel growing

At the sound of Carol’s voice

To Dare or Dare Not —

Open me, if you dare.

Christmas morning,
And I wake up to find
A bright red box
With golden ribbons lined

Beside my bed,
And with a note attached.
I sat and read
And then my head I scratched.

The words it said:
“Open me, if you dare.”
And so I thought:
‘I guess that I don’t care

To get any
Surprises that might be
Unpleasant, or
The start of misery.’

So there it sat,
And it yet sits there still:
For I dare not,
And think
I never


= = = = =

Mystery Box

You wake up one morning to find a beautifully wrapped package next to your bed. Attached to it is a note: “Open me, if you dare.” What’s inside the mystery box? Do you open it?

In Which I Refuse to Do The Obligatory

Rules number 1 through 4,000 of any parody: it should be something like original and something like funny.

Humans like to take a thing
That brings some happiness
And beat it, till it’s nearly dead
A vile, distorted mess

That bears some vague resemblance to
The thing it was before:
A thing, maybe, that we once loved
But can’t stand anymore