A Man’s Guide to Relationship Advice

He’d sought the company of a young woman who clearly wasn’t interested. He asked me what he should do.

Me: That’s easy. Give up and move on.

Him: But I think she might be the One…

She’s not. Take it from me.

How do you know?

I’ll answer you, but first, let me ask you a question.

Alright.

Would you rather have a beer or a vaccine?

A beer. Preferably more than one to go with these hot dogs.

Don’t know you know what’s good for you? I think you should quit eating hot dogs and drinking beer, and get a full panel of vaccines instead.

I don’t give a rat’s ass what you want. It’s my life, I’ll do as I please.

Ah, got it, sorry. Now, as to your question – how I know she’s not the One…

Yeah?

Because, you stupid prick, she’ll decide what she likes and doesn’t like, not you.

Are you calling me a vaccine?

No, because those have actually helped people.

I’d be willing to buy her beer…

Shots, more likely, and we already established she doesn’t want those any more than you did.

So I should leave her alone and find someone else?

Yes.

Even though I have strong feelings for her.

Especially because you have ‘strong feelings’ for her. Because that’s crazy – you don’t even know her.

Has this ever happened to you?

Yes. I’ve been offered more “turn down” service than a fancy hotel.

Fine. I’ll see what else is out there.

Good man. Give the poor girl a break.

You make me sound like some kind of stalker.

You basically were becoming one, dude. So… DON’T DO THAT.

Whatever.

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8 Thoughts to “A Man’s Guide to Relationship Advice

      1. So then my question would be, how long ago is transpired the story it told? From the way it’s written, I’d be hard pressed to believed then and now are exactly the same!

      2. My best friend and I have spoken to each other this way for about 40 years. Although this would have been between my two marriages.

      3. I can’t explain why, but this makes me smile LIKE THIS.

        (For reference’s sake, that’s about as wide as I smiled when my toddler unleashed a delighted monologue after seeing a cat dressed up in prison attire moments ago. It’s incidentally a smile being continued by his fascination that when I press keys on this little silver board, things change on the screen. Like, whoa!)

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