A Man’s Guide to Relationship Advice

He’d sought the company of a young woman who clearly wasn’t interested. He asked me what he should do.

Me: That’s easy. Give up and move on.

Him: But I think she might be the One…

She’s not. Take it from me.

How do you know?

I’ll answer you, but first, let me ask you a question.

Alright.

Would you rather have a beer or a vaccine?

A beer. Preferably more than one to go with these hot dogs.

Don’t know you know what’s good for you? I think you should quit eating hot dogs and drinking beer, and get a full panel of vaccines instead.

I don’t give a rat’s ass what you want. It’s my life, I’ll do as I please.

Ah, got it, sorry. Now, as to your question – how I know she’s not the One…

Yeah?

Because, you stupid prick, she’ll decide what she likes and doesn’t like, not you.

Are you calling me a vaccine?

No, because those have actually helped people.

I’d be willing to buy her beer…

Shots, more likely, and we already established she doesn’t want those any more than you did.

So I should leave her alone and find someone else?

Yes.

Even though I have strong feelings for her.

Especially because you have ‘strong feelings’ for her. Because that’s crazy – you don’t even know her.

Has this ever happened to you?

Yes. I’ve been offered more “turn down” service than a fancy hotel.

Fine. I’ll see what else is out there.

Good man. Give the poor girl a break.

You make me sound like some kind of stalker.

You basically were becoming one, dude. So… DON’T DO THAT.

Whatever.

Author: Beleaguered Servant

Owen "Beleaguered" Servant (a/k/a Sibelius Russell) writes poetry mostly, with an occasional pause to have a seizure.

8 thoughts on “A Man’s Guide to Relationship Advice”

      1. I can’t explain why, but this makes me smile LIKE THIS.

        (For reference’s sake, that’s about as wide as I smiled when my toddler unleashed a delighted monologue after seeing a cat dressed up in prison attire moments ago. It’s incidentally a smile being continued by his fascination that when I press keys on this little silver board, things change on the screen. Like, whoa!)

        Liked by 1 person

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