(Hey — are you asleep?)
(Have) –– I mean, have you seen my car keys?
You’re kidding, right?
No, I —
Did you fall asleep looking at your phone?
Anyway, I can’t find them anywhere
Where all have you looked?
So far? Ummm —
On the dresser
If I was to strangle you right now,
No jury would ever convict me
At least, no jury of my peers, i.e.,
You have no peer, my love
Save it for someone you
Didn’t wake up out of a sound sleep…
Check your pants pocket from yesterday
In the hamper in the bathroom
Yes, dear, YOU found them
What were looking at on your phone
When you feel alseep?
I was adding “likes to sleep in”
To my Tinder profile
You wouldn’t want anyone else —
No one else would be nearly as annoying as me
This is me, not arguing