it takes two to tango, plus fourteen more to trip: i told my truth in such a group, or maybe, let it slip but i am grateful, for it, now: there's really no denying that when you're trying everything, you know at least you're trying
Tag: Mental Illness
Battling with my Heart
As long as I’ve had memories, I’ve battled with my heart;
It doesn’t want what’s best for me, I know —
Each day that I awake, the fighting once again will start;
It happens now, wherever I may go
Like rings inside of rings, as though I was made out of Saturns:
I try to run, but there’s no place to hide —
They say that it’s my mind, the weaving of genetic patterns;
To me though, it’s just who I am
Inside
To share is human:
If love could make a place for you to fall…
If love could make a place for you to fall,
A place where life would never come undone,
I would pay any price, I’d risk it all,
To try to shield you from yourself, my son
There is no heartbreak I could undergo
I would not take, if I could help you see;
But no amount of love has worked so far,
No guidance kept you from your misery
Because I’ve seen your joy in minutes past,
Because I know the good that’s in your heart;
Because I’ve also seen the opposite —
The mental conflict tearing you apart
If love could make a place for you to fall,
Where I knew you’d be up again, somehow,
I spend my every waking hour at this –
My son, my son, to help you
Help you
Now
To share is human:
Onset
A drop that spreads into a pool,
And bleeds his conscience thereupon;
To be, but be a useless tool —
He feels depression coming on
The slow way in, the quick way out,
The answers leaving only doubt,
The dash that turns to marathon —
He feels depression coming on
A spectacle, phenomenon,
This sophistry of heart and soul:
An actor, daily in his role —
He feels depression coming on
A night that never sees a dawn,
A breaking down once shades are drawn,
When all he is, is lost, and gone —
He feels depression coming on
To share is human:
Mental Illness
I am a broken down refrigerator
That is hot inside instead of cold
I still look like a working cooler
But my insides are all wrong
For everything I internalize
Ends up spoiled
(“Mental Illness” – 7-23-2014)
To share is human:
deserved
she lived awash in frenzy,
wracked with fear;
i knew her when we both were
locked in here —
i lived, and she did not.
i don’t know why:
some stumble on, while
others stop, and die —
I wept, and watched time stop,
and space get curved:
for neither of us got what we
deserved
[For another poem on the same subject, see this. – Owen]
To share is human:
beautiful can’t
beautiful can’t stop the voices
screaming in her head;
beautiful can’t bring the sleep
she wishes for in bed
beautiful can’t hide the visions
chasing her at night;
she’s beautiful, but that won’t keep
the shadow from
the light
To share is human:
Mentally Ill
My youngest son is mentally ill,
His troubles are immense:
He is very bipolar
In its actual, technical sense
He spends the lonely nights depressed
Or making manic rounds:
He strugges with identity
With wild ups and downs
And while he has professionals
In mental health advising
There have been many side effects
From his treatment arising
They say that love’s transformative
To those within its thrall:
But though I’d give my life for him
It hasn’t helped
At all
To share is human:
Bipolar
Bipolar people do not look like her:
She’s heard that time again, and endlessly —
She knows it’s only ignorance that speaks
With so much certainty, so foolishly
For all the gifts she came with haven’t helped;
The meds avail, but can be hit-or-miss —
She sits and reads and wonders who walks by
That also might be suffering from this
It is a daily thing – ubiquity –
A part of her, and her
Reality
