the nightly blur

another night nurse comes and goes,
another tech to check my chart,
the nightly blur of shrouded forms
i peer at through the bleary dark

there’s no one cruel, it’s not like that.
just people, doing what they must:
and i am, well, another bed
to make, to clean, to dress, adjust —

i dream sometimes of dying here.
it feels like it would be relief:
but i am trying to adapt,
for pleasing is my leitmotif

they hear it, everywhere i go.
my “please” and “thank you,” — “if you will” —
i struggle to connect, but i
am no one, really. in the still

and dark i lay and wait for dawn.
another set of heartbeats gone,
i wonder, through the white and chrome,
why god won’t take me

take me

 
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11 Thoughts to “the nightly blur

  1. Are you in the hospital? If so I hope you’re going out soon and that you are doing OK

    I thought I had forgotten forever those interminable nights lying on a hospital bed but your words brought those memories back really fast

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