To Fear The Grieving

As many “trigger warnings” as I’ve got — Owen

Grief, of course, is sacred as well as terrible.

Like all sacred things,
We approach it with
Both respect and fear.

The grieving are always justified
In whatever anger they are feeling
Even when it is aimed at you.

So many people,
Knowing that whatever they say or do
Can be a trigger for such anger
Do nothing instead.

It isn’t just
“Not knowing what to say” —
It’s feeling (bordering on knowing)
that nothing that you do or say
Will help, and may result in
Being hated – a hatred there is no defense against.

You can just be there for the person –
What are you looking at? Don’t crowd me. Don’t stare at me.

You can say you are sorry for their loss –
A fat lot of good that does.

You can say the person lost had a good life –
Which would still be good if they were here.

I often read that, since
One approach or another is
Guaranteed to make people angry,
You should, instead, just use “Cookie Cutter Approach ‘A'” —
That’s all you need to do —

But cookie cutter approaches
Can easily make people angry.

Most of us decide, on behalf of those we love,
To conquer our cowardice and try to be there,
But I’ve come to understand why some do not
Because we all have our weaknesses,
Many of which are grounded in experience.

And I have lost friends –
And maybe you have, too —
Because someone I loved
Needed me to be the someone
They could be angry with;
A need that never went away,
Even after many years.

But if I had spoke the truth
Or could speak the truth now
To them
I would say

I’m sorry you have to bear this weight
And that I was not able
To take any of it off of you;


I wish I could do something
To help

Tagged: Tags

Leave a Reply