Sketches – 50

Are you bored?

What, hanging out here
At the doctor’s office?
Not a chance!

You are bored

It’s not like either of us
Is here by choice.
Are you bored?

I’m chairman of the bored.
Or chairwoman of the bored

At least you got a title.
I’m just kind of
Looking around at stuff

Oh, really?
What do you see?

Well, I see you.
I like you.

Well, how could you not?
I am modeling the latest
In Old Navy t-shirts.
It goes so well with these
Banana colored walls

There’s an interesting
Magazine article here, about how
This upstart company is
Making waves

What company?

It’s some little outfit
Called “Domino’s Pizza”.
I think this magazine
Was actually printed on
Gutenberg’s original machine

Well, if that’s how often
People update their magazines,
It’s no wonder that
The magazine industry is dying

Which is sad.
It’s so hard already for writers
To find work

Says the writer.
Well, you’re right.

I’m only a
Part-time writer, dear.
But I know real writers.
You know, my father
Wanted to be a magazine illustrator
But back in the 1950’s,
Magazines switched to photographs.
So opportunities for artists
Also have changed and are
In some ways more limited

Agrees the artist.
You know, I got all excited
About a critic’s review a few
Weeks ago, but critics
Have much less influence than
They used to

I know.
Because they are typically
Published in magazines or

How long do you think we
Are liable to be
Waiting here?

Oh, could be an hour,
Or more, I’d guess.
At least we have each other

I think that often, dear.
I’m surprised my mom
Didn’t want us to go to the lab
With her

She knows we don’t get much time
Together, I think
In a weird way,
She wants us to get this time

My heavens, my mom loves you

And I love her, she’s wonderful

I don’t think you realize
What an honor that is.
She’s not crazy about
My sister’s husband.
Or my ex

Who, “Roid Rogers”?

Would you quit with
The weightlifting jokes?

Dear, he was “Mister Georgia”.
Bodybuilding was slightly more
Than a hobby.
I’ve been bodybuilding, too, just
Using doughnuts

And if you’re not careful with that
We’ll be right back here.
Anyway, I’ve told you before:
He was boring.
You aren’t boring, ever

Even here?
Where you are chairwoman of the bored?

Not even here.
And if we could be sure
No one would walk in to this waiting room,
I’d help you work off a few calories
Right here, right now

And endanger that priceless
Old Navy t-shirt?

Although, now that I think of it,
I’m not sure finding us
Would help my mom’s heart condition.
Although she frequently counsels me
To be sure and have sex with you often.

Umm… TMI.
Not that I don’t appreciate
Your mother’s wise counsel.
Besides, I’m pretty sure
She didn’t mean
“At the cardiologist’s office”

We could order Domino’s instead.
I hear they’re
An up-and-coming franchise.
I wonder if patients have ever had
Pizza delivered to a doctor’s office?

Technically, we’re
The patient’s family.
I brought a picnic, a book, and a lawn chair
To my doctor once.
I was in my twenties

You didn’t

No, I did.
I was tired of waiting for hours there
Every single time.
He laughed, and
He got the message

You realize
For years, you lived the life of
A performance artist,
More or less

I’ve never really liked
Performance artists

Yeah, of course.
Nobody likes their competition

I never asked, but
How were the fireworks the other night?

Really good.
Rosa’s kids really seemed to enjoy them.
Not so much her dogs.

Well, good.
How did you like Rosa and her sister?

Oh, they are wonderful.
I invited them over Monday for dinner
While you are out of town

Oh, cool.
I think I’m going to go get
A Coke Zero.
You want anything?

Nah, I’ll just be in here
In this room that screens out
Cell signals,
Reading the latest magazines.

Good luck with that

But I don’t need luck.
I am luck.

No argument here

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