To Not-Feel

And oh, the desire to not-feel, just
to not feel —
This is a feeling that I know well,
I know it very well.

This wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be:
This shadow that lingers of what was me,
Existing in dreams that have flown away,
Chased out by the flare that is
Each and every
Day —

And, oh, the desire to not-feel, just
to not feel —
To break off the edge of the rage
That I can’t quell.

But maybe in music, or words of grace,
By the friend-surprised look, or the upturned face,
I can lighten the load of another, though
My own weighs me down
Every where
I go —

An, oh, the desire to not-feel, just
to not feel —
To live in a world where the hatchet
Never fell.

The dreams in my head are a world apart,
The words you see now are my secret heart,
For love is a whisper across a lake,
And not everyone who fails
Was merely
Fake —

And, yes, the desire to not-feel, is
Still too real —
To wake up in heaven instead
Of this daily hell —

But if I can’t be the tower, I’ll be

The bell

.

Author: Beleaguered Servant

Owen "Beleaguered" Servant (a/k/a Sibelius Russell) writes poetry mostly, with an occasional pause to have a seizure.

5 thoughts on “To Not-Feel”

  1. This wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be:
    This shadow that lingers of what was me,
    Existing in dreams that have flown away,
    Chased out by the flare that is
    Each and every
    Day

    Like

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