i ran tonight, i am not going back
the world of dark can swallow me again
alone with what i’ve done, with what i lack
i’m gone to where all memories go black
to where identities divorce their men
i ran tonight, to run on to the dawn
and to the day that wanly seeks its rest
the last shred of humanity is gone
the last indignity, the final con
out where formalities are all undressed
and if in running, i would find a way
to set myself back down where once i ran
before the boy dissolved into the man
i might escape the fate that comes with day
i ran tonight, a coward to the last
out past the only good i’ve ever known
in wanton disregard for what has passed
i run and run, in breathless death, but fast
beyond hope and redemption, all alone
This bothers me. I once believed implicitly that despair was my only future. I was wrong.
I pulled these words out of memory, remembering what it was to feel like this.
I do not sanction these thoughts, for I now feel I was wrong as to my life and life in general back then. But it seems important to remember those times.
Thank you for reading and taking time to comment. I’m grateful.
Thank you for the prompt reply! I’m glad it’s not now. I remember that I felt that way, but I try not to recall it too closely, except to know how grateful I am that I managed to move on.
As far as we run and run, it’s still always only one step back. 🙂
Such a tough feeling to deal with! Wanting to escape, even if only to reach darkness.