The Many Festivals of Owen “Beleaguered” Servant

My heavens, the idea of this prompt is terrifying:

A festival named after me, given my new position as
(Even more) delusional supreme ruler of the universe.

Well, occupying that august position calls for more than
Just one holiday, so here’s my list:

New Fear’s Day – to celebrate
More idol terrors of the mind:
Saint Owen’s Day – we’ll turn this guy
Into the new Saint Valentine

The equinoxes we will call
Beleaguered Spring, Beleaguered Fall
On solstices, instead we’ll say
Long Servant’s Night, Full Servant’s Day

We’ll celebrate neurosis by
A day reading my poetry,
And have a mass psychosis by
Reliving my long puberty

We will have feasts with each eclipse
Of Red Bull and potato chips;
And every college student must
Spend three weeks taking pointless trips

And by the time these feasts have reached
The populace: the where, the how —
I’m sure that I’ll have been impeached
And be back to where I am now

But you will suffer quite enough
If come here
And read my stuff

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8 Thoughts to “The Many Festivals of Owen “Beleaguered” Servant

  1. Potato chips and Redbull celebrations don’t sound too bad. However, the masses would be too busy crashing from their carb-loading while nursing caffeine withdrawals to impeach you I fear…

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