you never knew…

not even years later on facebook would i admit this to her … ever …

i never told you how i felt
before you went away;
although we’d sat in class together
several times a day

for you were dating someone else,
and i just let you be;
you never knew i thought about you
daily, constantly

you transferred in our junior year,
while i nearby did stay;
i saw you once or twice again
but never did i say

my feelings were a secret, which
i’ve held fast, faithfully:
i loved you in my way, but thought
you were too good
for me

Her Name Was Paige

He was a superhero then,
At nine years old (in his own mind)
And she sat in the front of class
And stood by him in lunchroom line,

He’d see her on her bike sometimes
In Spring, a pink and purple blur;
Her name was Paige, and when he thought
At all of girls, he thought of her.

She was the smartest kid in class,
And ran as fast as anyone;
And sometimes down at Ander’s Field
They’d play until the setting sun.

A dozen kids, or more, there’d be,
And games they’d play for sport, or whim;
Her name was Paige, and when she thought
At all of boys, it wasn’t him.

This tale has no great denouement:
He crushed on her, she didn’t know.
At nine years old, you feel some things,
Then ride your bike and let it go.

That pink and purple bike, some nights,
Will pop into his dreams -— it does —-
Her name was Paige, and he liked her.
And that is all that story
Was

Secret Crush

If you look carefully at the photo, I’m just slightly to the right of it.

Four different classes, four different desks –
Four different views across the room –
A smile, a look, a fleeting glance,
A few words exchanged waiting to go out the door –

And it’s secret — it’s a real secret —
No best friends know; no parents, no siblings –
Just furtive thoughts round about bedtime,
Just… wondering, looking over during a football game

At someone
Ensconced in a different crowd
Secure in ignorance

While a secret, faithfully kept

Dies, like his soul

A slow

  and lingering

    death

I Really Must

… confess.

I Really Must

I really must confess
That you’ve been on my mind;
I try to do my job,
But you’re there all the time

It really isn’t fair
Your image fills my now:
I really must get on,
But I do not know how

I’ve got to get a hold of me
And shake myself to sense:
But knowing I might see you soon
Has got me in suspense

I really must be mad,
I must be quite insane:
For you fill up my thoughts
But do not know
My name