… and maybe nurture more

A child is born.

The end of one process and the start of another.

We then subject that child to developmental timetables and schedules that we get from books and articles.

And when the child is ahead of schedule, we note it with pride.

But if the child lags any part of the timetable, we may note that as well — with shame.

But there is no shame, because all of the timetables and schedules are just averages, and averages have no real meaning.

Each child, each person is different, unique, and the path each must take to find their way can’t be found in any book of averages.

Now understand this: grief is a newborn baby.

The end of one process and the start of another.

We then subject that grief to developmental timetables and schedules that we get from books and articles.

And when the grief is ahead of schedule, others may note it with affirmation.

But if your grief lags any part of the timetable, others will note that as well — and you may feel shame.

But there is no shame, because all of the timetables and schedules are just averages, and averages have no real meaning.

Each grief, each loss is different, unique, and the path each grieving person must take to find their way can’t be found in any book of averages.

So, respect grief as you would life. Save your timetables for the city buses. And maybe nurture more than you lecture.

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