That Day

The rare prose piece from back before this blog focused on poetry. – Owen

I can still clearly picture the events of that day.

It was a little after lunch when they sent me home from work. It was April, beautiful and bright where I lived, just a hundred yards are so from the white sands of the northwest Florida beaches. I came in to the apartment and put some food and water down for my cat. The beautiful calico stood up on the edge of my dresser for me to pet her as I removed the keys and wallet from my pockets.

I went from there to the medicine cabinet, where I had filled two bottles with sleeping pills, each carefully removed from their individual wrappers for this day’s use. I left no note; I didn’t care. The world was only nothingness, and into nothingness I would go.

After swallowing as many as I could without throwing up, I lay down like Socrates waiting for the potion to work its magic. I put music on as my cat stood on my headboard looking down on me with pity:

The blinds were drawn: I lived alone, no one (except the landlord) had a key to the place. My parents lived twenty miles away and we often went weeks without calling. I had no girlfriend and all my close friends had moved away. I was sick: I’d been sick for years and I was tired of being alone.

I would say I was tired of feeling like I deserved to be alone, but the truth is, I felt nothing whatsoever. No anger, no regret, no … nothing. I felt nothing.

Like the singers in the choral music piece playing at the time, I asked God (who I didn’t believe in) to have mercy on my soul.

And the world went dark…

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2 Thoughts to “That Day

  1. You and I have both been there, Mer.

    (… only I had socks on. I always have socks on, which is why I don’t wear sandals or flip-flops. I love socks; I’m easy to shop for at Christmas.)

    A friend of mine from out of town that happened to come by to surprise me is all that saved me. I woke up in lockdown having had my stomach pumped and with my face covered in charcoal.

    I sincerely hope and pray it never gets that bad for you again.

  2. I can also relate.
    Anyone who has never considered this scenario is guilty of not having lived life and thought out the madness to its conclusion.

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