I occupy an endowed chair (It's straight and hardback, over there) And I know everything that you Would ever need to know. Students need a mind? I grow it, If it's knowledge, then, I know it, And, as master of this college What I don't know isn't knowledge*. Now our country needs solutions. If you'll do the right ablutions, I'll give you my wordish pills, and Solve all of our social ills. Evolution led to me The height of new humanity; You won't need your own idea You've got me The panacea
(*With apologies to the famous Balliol rhyme.)