Panacea Central

 I occupy an endowed chair
(It's straight and hardback, over there)
 And I know everything that you
 Would ever need to know.

 Students need a mind? I grow it,
 If it's knowledge, then, I know it,
 And, as master of this college
 What I don't know isn't knowledge*.

 Now our country needs solutions.
 If you'll do the right ablutions,
 I'll give you my wordish pills, and
 Solve all of our social ills.

 Evolution led to me
 The height of new humanity;
 You won't need your own idea
 You've got me
 The panacea

(*With apologies to the famous Balliol rhyme.)

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