I am so great, and live so well,
That I can pretty safely tell
All people how to live their lives,
And how the world should be.

Without the weight of irony,
Not burdened by humility,
I’ll tell you all, with certainty,
What you should get for free.

I know so much, so perfectly;
I understand life’s tragedy.
And without precedent, am wise –
So – just listen to me.