i learned to read when i was three years old
from cereal boxes, riding in a grocery cart
when my mom would lift me into or out of the cart,
that would be the only time all week
anyone in the family would touch me
in the family i grew up in, we
didn’t touch each other much
or tell each other much that
actually mattered much
my parents were never cruel
never neglectful
just
reticent
never touching us, or,
each other —
at least where we saw them
i never knew what they were feeling
because they didn’t say
so
i learned to read
to read feelings, to figure out when
people were sad or angry or
anything else without them
actually telling me
it’s not a very exact science
but
i’ve been a practitioner to this day
and as for never being touched:
when you are never touched,
if i am any representative,
you may not feel hated, but
you feel
hateworthy
or maybe
loveunworthy
