Strange Heroes: Tom Servo

STRANGE HEROES: TOM SERVO

Tom Servo

I guess I always thought myself
Some sort of intellectual
And such as are my bona fides
I gained by means effectual
I studied and I passed exams
The plain old-fashioned way
Then added extra brain cells
Watching MST3K

Now Gypsy, she was awesome
Underrated, for my money
And Crow T. Robot? He, of course
Was very, very funny
Joel or Mike, they both were great
(Now you know I’m a geek)
But Servo was the reason
That I was watching every week

I heard him sing a song about
Some boy’s atomic turtle
I heard him sing of Delta Knights
Wearing a veil and girdle
If you have never seen this show
I recommend it highly
Bad movies viewed in outer space
While Servo comments, wryly

Commercial Foods: On-Cor Salisbury Steaks

gravy-salisbury-steaksIf you read the post about the 18-year-old who didn’t know how to cook

You can now fast-forward 18 more years to a thirty-six-year-old single father who didn’t know how to cook

And while he bought and served nutritions fruits and vegetables

And his children ate them

He struggled to cook main dishes

So something like this came in handy

And since it was one child’s favorite

And still is

It merits a mention

Commerical Foods: Zero Bars

Zero

Summers, we’d go to the pool
And swim for hours, I think
Having  exactly change to buy
One snack and one cold drink

As long as we knew we’d be there
We thought to have the smarts
To break our purchasing into
Two glorious equal parts

We’d get drinks first, two hours in
Once the real heat began
And sip them slowly in the shade
A glorious cooling span

The drink dispenser dropped a cup
Then ice, and then the drink
We’d finish that, and then go back
To swim until we’d sink

Finally, as time had come to go
To leave and catch the bus
We’d use our  last to pick our snacks
With no need to discuss

These machines kept candy cold
There in the Florida sun
And Zero Bars were what we’d have
Each of us savoring one

White fudge on almond nougat
With I think, some caramel
A maybe peanut, slightly chilled
I still remember well

An although almost 50 years have passed
And I sit in this tower
Whenever I think hot and tired
I still think “Zero Hour”

Commercial Foods: Chef Boyardee

Chef_Boyardee

Imagine, if you will, an eighteen-year-old
Boy
Back in 1980
Unable to cook so much as an egg.

Imagine him off at college
With a budget of, oh, roughly
Three dollars
Trying to make himself something to eat.

Now imagine a boy born in Italy
Way back in 1897
Who emigrated from there in 1914
And who spent time in New York and Cleveland
Before opening a factory
And developing war rations during WWII.

A real italian
Who really immigrated here
Who was a real chef
Who mass produced his real recipes
To feed
Real idiots like I was.