Vexed Sarcasm Land

Vexed Sarcasm Land

Greetings and felicitations!
Here in Vexed Sarcasm Land,
We are having celebrations
That you all can see firsthand.

We’re enjoying our successes –
Jobs and parenting and such:
Please forgive us our excesses;
Just like us, it is too much.

Vexed Sarcasm Land is waiting
For all who would head our way:
Though our revels are abating
V.S.L. is here to stay

My Acceptance Speech

Academy Awards

I would like to thank the members of the Academy
I say, “I would like to,” but
None of them voted for me

I would like thank my choreographer
Who would have known that “Judgment at Nuremburg”
Could be made into an interpretive dance

I would like to thank my parents
Without their support
I might have ended up
A pseudononymous Internet poetry blogger

I would like to think my teachers and coaches
Who taught me so many great things
Except for having to read “Lord of the Flies”
And having to run laps
On second thought, forget the part about teachers and coaches

I would like to thank WordPress
For giving all of us a platform
From which to launch ourselves
Into the lake of publishing
Which, it turns out,
Has two feet of water in it

Am I Using These Right?

I work for bear
I had a problem with battles between my various teaching staffs
So, to solve this problem
All my faculties were brought to bear

I went to plow a field
It had a giant, immovable clock in it
I needed to plow, so
I worked around the clock

My horse was injured and in the veterinary hospital
They said he was well enough to come home, so I would say
He’s in stable condition

I was attacked for posting these idiotic puns
A blogger with a knife sliced me several times
Carved my initials on the top of my forehead
So now my name is
A cut above the rest