What I Look Like

People ask me what I look like And so I tell her, or him: “If I told you, there’d be no point In having a pseudonym.” But I guess that hints are harmless I’m a cross between these three Shown below. So scan these photos Close your eyes, Imagine me!

Let’s Say Ta —

Let’s say ta — To Minolta And to Sparta Let’s say ta — To calamata And some hot pancetta And to a cold Fanta Let’s say ta — To a good fermata To operetta To a beautiful arietta Or a wonderfully structure sonata Maybe we won’t say ta — To quota Or capita Or strata … Continue reading "Let’s Say Ta —"

Unanswerable Questions

Does value have meaning? Significance, purpose? Is life just a poorly-run, foul-smelling circus? Are all of us doomed to be what we appear? Is there more to life than Doritos and beer? Is French the one language we’re all meant to speak? Does no spinach make you an Iron-Poor Sheikh? Can one really lose weight … Continue reading "Unanswerable Questions"

Burger Chef

Let’s all go to Burger Chef You know, I’d love to go – Except, the last one closed its doors Oh, eighteen years ago To long for places that are gone That is my great despair; ‘Course, if I’d felt that way before The place might still be there

Yes, I Went There

There once was a young boy named Rick Whose poor sense of humor was sick When he’d get capacious For matters salacious A quick limerick did the trick

Vexed Sarcasm Land

Greetings and felicitations! Here in Vexed Sarcasm Land, We are having celebrations That you all can see firsthand. We’re enjoying our successes – Jobs and parenting and such: Please forgive us our excesses; Just like us, it is too much. Vexed Sarcasm Land is waiting For all who would head our way: Though our revels … Continue reading "Vexed Sarcasm Land"

My Acceptance Speech

I would like to thank the members of the Academy I say, “I would like to,” but None of them voted for me I would like thank my choreographer Who would have known that “Judgment at Nuremburg” Could be made into an interpretive dance I would like to thank my parents Without their support I … Continue reading "My Acceptance Speech"

Am I Using These Right?

I work for bear I had a problem with battles between my various teaching staffs So, to solve this problem All my faculties were brought to bear I went to plow a field It had a giant, immovable clock in it I needed to plow, so I worked around the clock My horse was injured … Continue reading "Am I Using These Right?"