Can You Help Me?

This story is a true one.

This story is a true one.

A man went to a doctor.

The man asked his doctor to castrate him.

He said,

Relationships are horrible.

Women are only attracted to men
For evolutionary reasons.

So they choose men not knowing why;
Men who will hurt them.

Men like me are biologically useless.

It wouldn’t be so bad if
Only I didn’t desire women so badly.

But its like a constant burning thirst;
A consuming hunger.
It haunts me day and night
But it is a desire doomed to never be satisfied.

So, I’d like to rid myself of desire.

Can you help me?

The doctor said, “No,”
And referred him to a psychiatrist,
Thinking that, NOW
He had heard it all.

But he hadn’t really heard,
Hadn’t understood.

So the man went to the psychiatrist
And said,

I want to be castrated.

I desire women intensely,
But they do not desire me.

I date them, they break up with me
Then marry the next guy they date,
And ask me to play the piano at their wedding.

It is the desire that is doing this to me.

It makes me think love is possible.

But love is not possible for me.

Can you help me?

The psychiatrist said, “Yes.”
And prescribed him antidepressants
A mood leveler
And anti-anxiety meds, as well.

This cured him of his desire to be castrated –
He now wanted to simply die.

So, after taking meds for months,
And intense therapy several times a week
And several stints in the hospital,
He went to talk to his best friend about it.

He said,

I wanted to get castrated.

I wanted to end the desire for sex.

Women don’t want guys like me.

The doctor couldn’t help me,
And the psychiatrist gave me so many meds
I just want to die.

Can you help me?

His best friend didn’t say
“Yes” or “No”.

Instead, his best friend said

There’s no such thing as “women”.

There is only this woman and that woman,
Only particular women.

And you don’t know how they all feel,
Or will feel,
Because you haven’t met them all.

Sexual desire is not your problem
Cowardice is.

Some b***h hurts you
And you want to complete the job for her?

F*** that and f*** taking that many meds.

Get your head
Out of your own ass
And live your f***ing life.

Many of us love you
And we wouldn’t mind it all
If you would join that club.

Things, To Ease Homesickness


When I was thirteen years old,
I spent ten weeks away from home at camp

I only started to get homesick
About the seventh or eighth week

I wrote letters home, I received letters back
But I missed my friends, my family, my things

That last one may sound strange
But the things we surround ourselves with
Are an important part of a home

I missed my bed
I missed my books
I missed my comic books

I mean, I was fourteen

One day, we had a field trip from camp
And we stopped at a store
I bought the comics pictured above and below
And I read them
Over and over

They reminded me of being home
They reminded me that I was still a boy

And like so many things that mean the world to us
I seriously doubt they ever meant much to anyone else