Can You Help Me?

This story is a true one.

This story is a true one.

A man went to a doctor.

The man asked his doctor to castrate him.

He said,

Relationships are horrible.

Women are only attracted to men
For evolutionary reasons.

So they choose men not knowing why;
Men who will hurt them.

Men like me are biologically useless.

It wouldn’t be so bad if
Only I didn’t desire women so badly.

But its like a constant burning thirst;
A consuming hunger.
It haunts me day and night
But it is a desire doomed to never be satisfied.

So, I’d like to rid myself of desire.

Can you help me?

The doctor said, “No,”
And referred him to a psychiatrist,
Thinking that, NOW
He had heard it all.

But he hadn’t really heard,
Hadn’t understood.

So the man went to the psychiatrist
And said,

I want to be castrated.

I desire women intensely,
But they do not desire me.

I date them, they break up with me
Then marry the next guy they date,
And ask me to play the piano at their wedding.

It is the desire that is doing this to me.

It makes me think love is possible.

But love is not possible for me.

Can you help me?

The psychiatrist said, “Yes.”
And prescribed him antidepressants
A mood leveler
And anti-anxiety meds, as well.

This cured him of his desire to be castrated –
He now wanted to simply die.

So, after taking meds for months,
And intense therapy several times a week
And several stints in the hospital,
He went to talk to his best friend about it.

He said,

I wanted to get castrated.

I wanted to end the desire for sex.

Women don’t want guys like me.

The doctor couldn’t help me,
And the psychiatrist gave me so many meds
I just want to die.

Can you help me?

His best friend didn’t say
“Yes” or “No”.

Instead, his best friend said

There’s no such thing as “women”.

There is only this woman and that woman,
Only particular women.

And you don’t know how they all feel,
Or will feel,
Because you haven’t met them all.

Sexual desire is not your problem
Cowardice is.

Some b***h hurts you
And you want to complete the job for her?

F*** that and f*** taking that many meds.

Get your head
Out of your own ass
And live your f***ing life.

Many of us love you
And we wouldn’t mind it all
If you would join that club.

Lost Continent

Lost Continent

This 1950’s film is about a party
Sent to track a missing nuclear missile
Who find a lost island continent
And have adventures there

You learn more about an era
From seeing its lesser works of art
Than from its classics
Because classics are timeless

While lesser works
Like this one
Aren’t about how we view people of that time
But how that time viewed itself

Which is: better than all times that came before it
Just like we do



The art of convincing people
To hate others

I see people’s pride in their heritage
And I understand and appreciate it
As they understand and appreciate mine

And we have no problems

For the true International community
Is comprised of people
Who don’t want to tell everyone else
How to live

Russell T. Vampant

Chicken Salad

Russell T. Vampant went to the store
Intending to buy chicken salad;
Russell T. wanted to find so much more
Vampant thought his life invalid

RTV went then to see a young Miss
Who was extremely obliging;
Russ thought that he could soon make herself his
Which she found rather surprising

She chatted briefly, then threw RT out
He went to his destination;
Russell T. Vampant brought home the food
Knowing now what was his station

Two Poems – “Rondo” and “The Great Invisible”

These two pieces were my second and third poetry posts. I thought I would reshare for any newer readers.

No Talent For Certainty



The story’s new, the day has just begun
And eyes shine brightly in the morning sun
Which runs its smooth quotidian arc
To hand the same old story to the dark.



I am the great invisible –
Not a part of any story,
Biding in no category,
Somewhere, lost in inventory,
Covered up, inside a drawer:

I am the great invisible –
Advance words, but you repel them,
Have vague hopes, but you dispel them,
Comments – but then I misspell them,
Taken into un-rapport.

I am the one who isn’t here –
Never, never I assail you,
I don’t try, so I don’t fail you,
Passing by, I will not hail you,
I, your conscience guarantor.

I am the great, although unseen –
I the one who’s never harried,
Always dragged, and never carried
When asleep, or when I’m buried
I’m no less when I’m…

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Dealing With Delay


I don’t know too many people
Who inherit patient genes
For the most part, we must learn it
Through frequent delay vaccines

Learning patience in the small things
Means the big things we can face:
When we find delays are rampant
Patience is a saving grace