An Exchange


She told him she was married
He said he didn’t care
She told him she was taken
He asked her, “Taken where?

Bet not where I would take you,” said he,
Says she, “Do tell.”
“I’d take you straight to heaven.”
“No, you’d take me to hell.”

Farm-Girl Invasion


I drive in the country, and on one occasion
I saw the scorched earth of a farm-girl invasion
With fires in fields leading into a town
With people all over, but no men around –
The men were in boxes, the women outside
I saw a red veil on one terrible bride
Standing by a church, in a party of ten
With bloodstains where I guessed the groomsmen had been
And they all stared at me in my little car
I knew I should never have driven this far

So I hit the gas to get back to the highway
But now I saw lights, and they were headed my way
And three squadron cars, that I knew would be gaining
My foot to the floor, my poor engine was straining
The tractors I passed by were left unattended
As I sped along, thinking my life had ended
I saw as the first car got close to my ride
Guns pointed towards me from the women inside
I thought about just driving into a tree
Rather than find out what they would do to me

But as I crossed over the top of a ridge
I saw down below me, in front of a bridge
A line of green tanks, with their guns pointed out
And now I was absolutely without doubt
That my drive was over and this was death’s dawn
When I looked behind me, and saw they were gone
I slowed my car down and I knew I was fine
I saw the armed men that were manning that line
They said, “How’d you get out?” – “Just lucky,” I said,
“If you weren’t right here, I guess I would be dead.
Just what was that?” I asked, all covered in sweat
“Well, that, my friend, is our most dangerous threat.

You might be a brave heart, who’d never surrender
But if you are also among the male gender
Believe me, whatever your creed or persuasion
You don’t want to land in a farm-girl invasion.”