Dancer Envy


I have an odd, pernicious flaw
From early, deep and really raw
I envy dancers, always have
For what their bodies do

And somehow I feel less a man
My body won’t do what theirs can
I know no balm, no ease, no salve
No envy-cleanse shampoo

I think it’s very primitive at base
Coming from some mammalian place
But I cannot be cynical
About how bad I feel

When I see men who can with dance
Place women in a mating trance
Speak words silent but physical
I envy something real

Time Warns Us Everyday


The subtle hum of time goes on
But oft we cannot hear it;
The whirl and click of each new dawn
Each time that we draw near it.

Time warns us every day that it
Is swiftly running down;
While we press on to do our bit
In search of some renown.

The sleep awaiting endless is
There will be time to rest –
To wisely use the time you have
Is truly to be blessed.

Inappropriate Poetic Subjects #1 – Regression Analysis


Why equals em-ex plus bee
Assuming linearity
And if each premise is unfurled
Which will not happen in this world

So you can predict anything
And make your sterile data sing
With fancy math to hide the scent
Of Assuming the Consequent

A Ninny’s Life


Alright. I’ll give you the skinny.
Started as a mini-ninny.

Early development group,
I stood out as nincompoop.

First grade, it was seen at once
That I was a first grade dunce.

A few raised eyebrows thought it odd
Promoted early up to clod.

I kept at it, didn’t loaf
By 8th grade I was an oaf.

And without having any pull
I made 10th grade imbecile.

Finally senior year, I won
Voted Senior simpleton.

You can do this too, I’ll stress:
A lamebrain’s life is straight success.

The Greeting Card Poet


Here, I believe, is his situation:

From an early age,
He felt different
And resented it.
Since he is not common,
He hates “common people”
And he will never
Write any poetry that
Common people might like,
Because he despises them.

The so-called common people
Return the favor
With interest;
Or one might better say,
With lack of interest
In anything he ever wrote.

So he shoots arrows of flaming sarcasm
At an empty gallery
Imagining himself
A great marksman.

While his dullard cousin
Who went to a state university
Is making a fortune
In greeting cards.

Oh, and by the way —
If you see him
Tell him, please
In these words:
“Greetings from your dullard cousin”

Strange Heroes: Tom Servo


Tom Servo

I guess I always thought myself
Some sort of intellectual
And such as are my bona fides
I gained by means effectual
I studied and I passed exams
The plain old-fashioned way
Then added extra brain cells
Watching MST3K

Now Gypsy, she was awesome
Underrated, for my money
And Crow T. Robot? He, of course
Was very, very funny
Joel or Mike, they both were great
(Now you know I’m a geek)
But Servo was the reason
That I was watching every week

I heard him sing a song about
Some boy’s atomic turtle
I heard him sing of Delta Knights
Wearing a veil and girdle
If you have never seen this show
I recommend it highly
Bad movies viewed in outer space
While Servo comments, wryly