Money, Money Everywhere

Waiting Still

Money, money everywhere
And not a cent to spend;
So they wait, to their credit
For their penury to end

They drive by stately mansions
That they can’t afford to build;
Then go home to a cage they find
They can’t afford to gild

The love of money is the root
Of evil, it is said;
Yet they would love to have some
Just to buy a decent bed

Money, money everywhere
There’re funds to fit the bill;
But none has ever come their way
Nor likely, ever will

Can You Help Me?

This story is a true one.

A man went to a doctor.

The man asked his doctor to castrate him.

He said,

Relationships are horrible.

Women are only attracted to men
For evolutionary reasons.

So they choose men not knowing why;
Men who will hurt them.

Men like me are biologically useless.

It wouldn’t be so bad if
Only I didn’t desire women so badly.

But its like a constant burning thirst;
A consuming hunger.
It haunts me day and night
But it is a desire doomed to never be satisfied.

So, I’d like to rid myself of desire.

Can you help me?

The doctor said, “No,”
And referred him to a psychiatrist,
Thinking that, NOW
He had heard it all.

But he hadn’t really heard,
Hadn’t understood.

So the man went to the psychiatrist
And said,

I want to be castrated.

I desire women intensely,
But they do not desire me.

I date them, they break up with me
Then marry the next guy they date,
And ask me to play the piano at their wedding.

It is the desire that is doing this to me.

It makes me think love is possible.

But love is not possible for me.

Can you help me?

The psychiatrist said, “Yes.”
And prescribed him antidepressants
A mood leveler
And anti-anxiety meds, as well.

This cured him of his desire to be castrated –
He now wanted to simply die.

So, after taking meds for months,
And intense therapy several times a week
And several stints in the hospital,
He went to talk to his best friend about it.

He said,

I wanted to get castrated.

I wanted to end the desire for sex.

Women don’t want guys like me.

The doctor couldn’t help me,
And the psychiatrist gave me so many meds
I just want to die.

Can you help me?

His best friend didn’t say
“Yes” or “No”.

Instead, his best friend said

There’s no such thing as “women”.

There is only this woman and that woman,
Only particular women.

And you don’t know how they all feel,
Or will feel,
Because you haven’t met them all.

Sexual desire is not your problem
Cowardice is.

Some b***h hurts you
And you want to complete the job for her?

F*** that and f*** taking that many meds.

Get your head
Out of your own ass
And live your f***ing life.

Many of us love you
And we wouldn’t mind it all
If you would join that club.

Lost Continent

Lost Continent

This 1950’s film is about a party
Sent to track a missing nuclear missile
Who find a lost island continent
And have adventures there

You learn more about an era
From seeing its lesser works of art
Than from its classics
Because classics are timeless

While lesser works
Like this one
Aren’t about how we view people of that time
But how that time viewed itself

Which is: better than all times that came before it
Just like we do

Russell T. Vampant

Chicken Salad

Russell T. Vampant went to the store
Intending to buy chicken salad;
Russell T. wanted to find so much more
Vampant thought his life invalid

RTV went then to see a young Miss
Who was extremely obliging;
Russ thought that he could soon make herself his
Which she found rather surprising

She chatted briefly, then threw RT out
He went to his destination;
Russell T. Vampant brought home the food
Knowing now what was his station