I used to wonder how ugly guys ended up with beautiful women — now I are one

You are not ugly. I would not have married you if you were. Your grammar, on the other hand…

Ugliness is more than appearance. Or maybe less, I can never remember

Well, that’s just nonsense

How about, “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way down?”

That makes a little more sense, but it is not you. You do a lot for other people, so don’t give me that hogwash

Hogwash?

Yes, as in “the bilgy water used for the cleaning of hogs”

Oh. And speaking of hogwash, I have to give a talk out of town next weekend

About what?

The title of the talk is “Statistical effects on morbidity and mortality: How the pandemic has impacted health conditions unrelated to COVID“

Well, that actually does sound kind of ugly. Is this a bunch of you actuarial types?

Yes. I’ll only be gone Friday night, because it’s only about a six hour drive, and I’ll be done by 1:00 Saturday. You could come, if you want, but I figured you’d be working

Actually, I think I will come. You’re going up to Columbia, right?

No, Charlotte.

Even better. I don’t have to attend the actual speech, right?

No, of course not. I’m trying to figure out a way I can avoid going to my own talk. What do you have in mind?

I want to go down to the river and do some sketching. That would really help.

Cool. It will be a fairly late night Friday; we will probably get in around midnight. The company has got me at the Westin.

Double cool. I get to turn into the mysterious midnight hotel version of me.

I seem to remember liking that version of you A LOT

You remember correctly

Just don’t knock all the numbers out of my head, I’m going to need them

I am making no promises. You knew the risks when you married me