When I first had seizures
I had no idea I was having them:
I lived alone
All I knew was
I felt terrible
When I woke up
I should have known something was wrong
But I wasn’t able to think
Terribly clearly
It’s a matter of what we call
Chance
That I woke up at all
Singing
Makes you feel so alive
That you never think
Any one you ever did it with
Could die
A friend of mine
Sent me a recording of
A youth choir we were in
42 years ago
The choir director
Who was also my piano teacher
Always sang along
And his ringing adult operatic voice
Pierces the straight young voices
Around him
He died a few years ago
His life having taken
One of the saddest family turns
I’ve ever personally known
Age can be cruel:
Our faults magnified without
The magic spell of youth to
Distract or attract people
Many people who
Have touched countless others
For the good
Have simultaneously
Disappointed their families
Every morning and evening
I take medication
To prevent seizures
Formerly
When I would get a new doctor
That doctor would
Wean me off the medication
To see if I would still
Have seizures
I would
So, eventually they stopped trying
I have thought of myself as defective
Because of being an epileptic
Because I am
But we all are short of ideal
Just in different ways —
That doesn’t determine our worth
Or define who we are,
It’s just part of the picture
Only humans
Can truly dehumanize others
While fully convinced
Only other humans do it
I know I’ve done it:
Saw people strictly in terms of
This or that characteristic
It is ironic how often
People do this, while
Simultaneously decrying it
I’ve been told that
My somewhat compulsive writing is
A common side effect
Of epilepsy
That the same thing that causes
My brain to go into overdrive
And stop working properly
Causes these random thoughts
To come in waves and flashes
And I feel compelled to record them
So writing, for me,
Turns out to be symptomatic of a disease
A thing I know I don’t have to explain
To a readership who are all writers
A blessing and a curse all in one!