In my mid-twenties
I applied to and was accepted
Into the Princeton graduate / post-graduate program
In Philosophy
I had been accepted by two of the three other places I applied
I was maybe five months from leaving my Civil Service job
As a mathematician
Trying to figure out how to stretch the money I had saved
Hoping to talk my way into an assistanceship
It was Spring
One of my best friend’s weddings was coming up in a couple weeks
I played basketball with some friends on a Sunday
When I went home, I crashed on the bed
When I woke up, it was Monday evening
And I was on the floor
I got up
Fed my cat
Left a message on my boss’s phone at work
Went back to bed
Woke up, and it was Wednesday
Fed the cat again
Noticed I had bruises all over my body
Went back to bed
Woke up on Friday morning
Fed the cat
Got dressed for work
Showed up right at lunchtime
Looking like death
Some co-worker friends asked me
To come to lunch with them
During lunch
I had a massive seizure
I had been having them for days
And didn’t know it
I missed my friend’s wedding
I was in and out of the hospital for two years
I lost all my money
I lost that chance at graduate school
But, even at death’s door
I made sure my cat kept getting fed
I am an epileptic
I gradually carved out a life
Through grace
Rebuilding my body
Recovering from years of depression
I finally went to graduate school
But it was nowhere prestigious
And it was in Statistics, not Philosophy
But I used that to become an actuary
I have a wonderful job
I work at a place that genuinely cares
About its customers
And employees
And the community at large
As well as shareholders
So, I missed out on my dream
Through illness, depression, near-suicide
But recovered to one day
Fall in love
Have a family
Find a rewarding career
And write about it
But
I would still rather not have seizures
(“The Life I Could Have Had” – 3/26/2015)
What an experience! Life has a way of throwing those curve balls at us, doesn’t it? What a long journey you must have had to get to where you are today. May your seizures get better or go away, they must be tough to live with.
Is this a truthful autobiography (rather than adopting of persona?)
If so – I appreciate the free verse. But I know you often take on the voice of various poetic personae…
This is the real me. I usually tag things “Autobiography” when I’m using my own voice.
I like your lyrical transparency.
Are you doing NaPoWriMo this year?
I think I will, yes. You?
Yes – second year for me.
I discovered your blog through the event last April and I am glad for the poetic invigoration.
Wow wow wow–what a great story of an over-comer. I’m sad for the affliction, but proud of what you have now, in addition to it. God bless you.
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Owen, I am the mother of a son with epilepsy brought on by a TBI. I am so very moved by your gift anyway but now I see it as a triumph. So honored to have found your words. Thank you for sharing them.
Thank you, Rita. I hope all is well with your son.
It’s a day by day journey. The medicine seems to be holding now but that changes over time. His fight with depression is one we must stay on top of all the time. I love him so and wish I could take it from him but the best I can do is love him through it
I’m glad my parents did. Hang in there.
I will! He holds too much of my heart to every give up on him.
Ah, life.. If only we could see the other side of the tapestry, we might understand how terrible things built the most important parts of us (and perhaps what other and greater horror was avoided). Meanwhile, I’m truly sorry you have to suffer such a threat and menace. You’ve had to work incredibly hard to get where you are — well done!
Thank you, Honora!
🙂
yes dear….if only we could.
This moves me as deeply this time as when I read it before. You are in my ‘hero’ basket, Owen. I love so very much how you turned this trial into a life of love and poetry.
It is strange the course(s) life takes. Thank you.
It is indeed but oh so amazing when someone takes control and makes it beautiful in another way.
Your story gives me hope one day I can. Thank you for sharing 🙂
That means a lot to me, Thank you.
You’re very welcome 🙂 your story meant a lot to me also. It taught me that there’s always hope, even at death’s door. x
They say that hard times make us strong, but this was a long hard way to get there. So glad you kept on going. All the best for your future.
How brave of you to share that! You are awesome! and prolific, lol. The back story makes your poetry even better. Thank you.
Great story, love your style. Keep going, never give up 💪
🙏🏼❤
Keep on survoving, its all we can really do 🙁
if this was you….i’m like whoa O_O
It was.
I like the candid nature of it….i’m always so hesitant to publicly share poetry that goes too deep. Well done to your bravery, and happy to know you’re doing better
Wow! Well written post and I’ve enjoyed reading it.
Thank you!
Twas so emotional and sad…. But am glad you’re strong and things are turning out great for you….. Sending love & blessings your way 💕🌸🙏
Thank you so much. The same back to you.
Blessings to you beyond seizures!
I like it very much.
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You are so brave….
Beautifully written!! Thank you for sharing it!!
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