(Originally published February, 2017)

How is your wife?

She left me.

What happened?

She decided I did not meet
Her minimum standards.

And what are those?

Something about faithfulness
And caring, I think.
I wasn’t really listening.

Why not?

The Super Bowl was on.
I had $400 on the Falcons!

So you lost your wife
And your $400?

Yes. She’s now living with
My neighbor two doors down.
They’ve taken to having sex
In the backyard pool.

And you know this because…?

She texts me and tells me.

Well at least she has your attention now.

Damned Patriots.

(The author of this blog would have it known that he does not endorse the conduct of any of his despicable friends. – Owen)